Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
But could it be that because of the abuse you don't know any better and you link abuse and love together and feel "happiness" which is in fact not that. If you have never been in a healthy relationship how would you know what being happy feels like?
I think I summed up everything I needed to with the bolded words there. You don't know any better. I'm sorry that you were a victim of child abuse, but that does not give you the right to try to push your feelings/beliefs/rhetoric on other people. Yes, it's sad and a crime that you had to suffer for your parents' failings, but as with anything, to survive...you must move forward. As far as 'happiness' goes, it doesn't require a relationship, healthy or otherwise. I've been happy with someone, I've been happy alone. All that really matters is that you're happy.

This is something I had to admit to myself. It was hard to admit that because of the most important relationships of my life(parents) my emotional life became twisted. I was looking for the abuse over and over again. And turned down everyone who treated me good and right. I felt uncomfortable around people who actually liked me. I thought deep inside that I deserved to be humiliated, lied to, and left alone for a long time.
Unfortunately, here is where I really start to disagree heavily with you. I feel that you have NOT worked through anything. You've seen it, you've recognized it...but instead of working THROUGH it, you've slammed a lid on it, covered it up, and let it fester until you finally let some of it seep out...into judging a rather large segment of society. But hey, if I'm wrong, I'll apologize and eat my hat.

And because of the "good moments" the abuser shows from time to time that is what makes you want to stick in and make it work! Because you seem to think that if you just please him hard enough he will love you eventually. And you just wait and wait. And get disappointed again.
Having dealt with abusive parents and family members, I feel I have a fairly good handle on these things. As a very young child, I'd have agreed with you. However, from the time I could REASON things out with LOGIC, I realized that what was happening to me wasn't my fault. I accepted that I couldn't change it, worked through it, and then decided to live my life my own way. Judging by your HIM there, I'd say you were the victim of abuse by a male figure. That or you believe that there are no female Dommes, which is rather incorrect.

This is not love. Love is not about humiliation, degradation, hurt, abuse, name-calling, making you walk on egg-shells. No! It's about respect, trust, commitment, joy and harmony.
Love is what love is. To me, it's something completely foreign to you, much the same as to you, it's something completely unrecognizable to me. Much of what you labeled there as 'not love' are merely tools that a Dominant person uses during scenes to make the submissive happier. Respect, trust, joy, harmony, and commitment...these are ALL things any D/s relationship has in large quantities. Without them, the relationships would fail and people would be severely injured.

Between one man and one woman.
Hmmm. Homophobic much? Or is it because you feel the bible told you it's wrong?

I think this is why people become masochists. It's something very psychological and it can be dangerous for a fragile person to start messing your mind with this. How is getting the same treatment going to heal you? How is it supposed to get your self-esteem higher? Wouldn't you think it just increases the depression and anger inside of the abused person? Confirms to him/her that this is what he/she deserves.
For most people, the pain is just a physical manifestation of the mental/emotional anguish. However in a D/s world, the pain is a way to heighten senses, drive the adrenaline and endorphins through the roof. My doll, for instance. In normal, every day life, isn't a fan of pain. However in a scene, she'll take the pain and thrive through it. Pain and pleasure receptors in the mind are nifty things, very easily confused. If I didn't respect and love my doll, I'd never say the things to her that I do during a scene. I'd use them during every day life. There is a vast difference between the two. During a scene, calling her by vile names is yet another tool in my arsenal to drive home the point that she's mine. Mine to love, mine to care for, mine forever. I've watched her go completely unhinged on others for using less offensive words to her, so I'd say your point on 'lowering self-esteem and increasing depression' are just about as moot as possible.

With those words, I leave you, Veronica. I hope you come to realize that we're all people, just that some of us aren't nearly as open-minded as others.