I've always felt a submissive nature in myself, well before I was sexually active. I used to dream and have fantasies of being tied down and teased, whipped, sensually tortured by someone while I was growing up. I still have some of these dreams.

I really became interested in the lifestyle when I stumbled across a chatroom and realised that this is a lot more widespread that I'd previously thought. My research led me as far back as the Bible in matters of submissiveness, and I remember the profound relief I felt when I realised that this wasn't something I should be ashamed of, afraid of.

My first submissive experience was when I lost my virginity... I don't know how to say this correctly, to put across the intense FEAR I felt at the actions that accompanied my 'deflowering'. Its not something I am proud of, its something I wish deeply had never happened with Him. There was no pleasure for me in this first action of submissiveness on my part, and I am surprised I am still interested and not afraid of the BDSM scene because of Him. It was consensual, and He knew of my submissive nature, He had figured that out long ago. Because of this, I believe He thought that He would be able to pull off a dominant role in the bedroom, He was dominant, but He successfully inflicted nothing but pain, fear and humiliation in me as I gave Him my virginity.

I think it necessary to tell you now that it is not something that stops me being who I am. The event itself changed me deeply, but I would not swap the experience for the world. It made me who I am today, and on some level I am thankful for that. I am now happily in a relationship with someone, the first someone that has ever actually cared about what I feel. I feel honoured that I am lucky enough to be with him.

- poetic_justice