Hi Cecily,

I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything, so forgive me, but, but have you considered the possibility that you are both really vanilla. Maybe a lot of subs will take issue with me here but I do think that a lot of vanilla relationships have Dom-Sub undertows, which, neverthelss does not place them in the BDSM domain because ultimately there is no real sexual element to those Dom-Sub themes.

You said you are not into pain or humiliation although you evidently would like to be treated to a dose of 'violent desire'...but isnt this just a vanilla sexual desire to 'up the stakes of passion' in a sexual relationship which is still a bit young (4 months only?) and is possibly still in its hesitant cautious stage?

Your 'dream', if expressed by the Surrendered Wife philosophy (I took a quick look on the website) doesnt seem to me to extend beyond a simple 'old-fashioned relationship between the sexes' vanilla relationship. That's not to knock it at all...that's perfectly valid if that's your dream...but I'm not sure you will find the answer to your issues in the BDSM domain. It seems you just want your man to be a bit more confident, 'manly', and taking control of areas which you think are traditionally men's domain. I don't think that amounts to wanting your man to convert from vanilla to BDSM.

As has been said, take your time, express your wishes when, and as, you can, and see how things evolve. At the end of the day, perhaps this longstanding 'schoolboy friend' become 'lover' (sorry..I'm guessing) might simply turn out not to be the guy you're really looking for....that's no problem, you are young enough to have plenty of time on your side.

Please dont take offence...I'm just wondering if you are considering your issue in the right context, and by all means correct me where what I've said does not apply.

Good luck in any case!

Slutcontrol.