Hello lil ashley,

to guard against misunderstandings: I am not a tutor of the Writers' Block, but an author frozen in Level 3 due to the lack of any person to look at my story and say: Congratulations, Level 4.

That is sad, but we have to keep in mind that the tutors are volunteers, and that those who have left had reasons to do so (of some I have hints, of others not).

However, you took your time to write your story, so you have the right to get a respond to it.

I will keep it short, beginning with some negative points:

Topic: the whole scene appears generic, the characters almost stereotype (obedient submissive, older master, voyeuristic stranger).

Sentence structure: Many sentences start with "I", like the first three.

There are some other things like punctuation, but now some positive points:

Style: The interjections at the end of the later paragraphs ("~TRAMP~") establish a connection between actions and thoughts as well as between those paragraphs and the beginning of the masturbation sequence ("called me names.. whore.. slut.. dirty girl.. tramp").

Depicting: "Naked in front of the class" gives a clear, felicitous picture of the submissive's emotions.

Finally: I like the clever way you put "burka" into your story; not exerted, not contrived.