from what ive gathered here we are similar... yes i have been in maybe one kink oriented relationship but for the most part the men i was with were vanilla... really and honestly the best thing to do is speak up to your spouse, tell him or her what you want and why you want it, dont be afraid, if someone cannot accept you for you they aren't worth the air they breathe, maybe im harsh, but ive had a tough time finding someone who would accept me, thankfully i happened across a wonderful man who was vanilla but has since tried to understand me and accommodate me.

really i guess be up front, but careful, go slow and explain things in length, that seemed to work for me, even outline fantasies, show them how being Dominant to you can be to their advantage and make your sex lives even better, hell for all you know he or she is a closet kink, it happens the biggest thing to do is learn to trust, ive been there, ive been a victim most of my life, and learning to trust was very hard for me, but i guess the best way to put it is , if you are not in danger (physically) then go for it you will be surprised.