Well I do know that you compound your own issues by not seeking professional help in dealing with them. There is only so much one can do via this medium in that department. The only way your going to get through a lot of this is by being proactive, and facing obvious mistruths that will cloud the way for you or self made excuses...like your pain does matter despite what you have been led to believe...aceptance of what was done and realization that it wasnt your fualt. The things that were done to you were were beyound your ability to prevent...walking the path to recovering from them however is soley within your control.

Here is a link to one of the places that helped me on my own journey that specializes in helping one find help.

http://www.aftersilence.org/