Thank you for the link denu, I'll check it out

As far as professional help goes, I don't have a huge amount of faith in therapy. I come from a family where almost everyone has a shrink and it never does them any good. I used to know people that were involved in the BDSM scene here, but the things I've experienced basically makes it impossible for me to reach out to the people near me. So i just try to confide in the people I trust, but it's really hard to just tell them the truth. Most of my friends were completely unaware of the fact that I was having sex, none of them knew anything about the kinkier side of my life.

But I just hope I can figure out a way past it. I know now that it takes an insane amount of trust to truly do BDSM, but I'm still having a bitch of a time getting past all the shit that's happened before. But thank you so much for your imput