I can completely relate and it has caused me some issues in the past. Without some type of pain or at least control brought into the sex I just do not enjoy myself, its just going through the motions, I have ended relationships with wonderful men because of this. Finally I just recently decided to give up on finding a vanilla relationship because this whole pain thing is just going to end up causing me issues again. What I have come to except it that it is probably not the norm, but it is not going to change about me. I just wish it didn't make finding a good date exponentially harder.