I'm pretty sure it's the creeping that's the problem. If it was just out there all the time so that I could go "Ok, I see you, I know I'm scared, but I'll get past it", it would be so much easier. But it just comes out of nowhere most of the time. We'll be playing and I'll feel great and happy and then suddenly I'm screaming and curled up in the corner because I can't remember where I am anymore. It just sucks, I never know when something's going to set me off. Last night for instance: we were playing and he bit me on the curve of my neck (which is my favorite) and for some reason it scared me so terribly that I actually started to lose consciousness. And then later when I'd calmed down and we'd resumed, he did something by accident that normally would've sent me straight into panic and I actually enjoyed it.

It just makes one feel so insane, like you can't even control your own mind.

I'm glad you've found a Domme that makes you happy though it's always a relief to find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated. I hope things stay wonderful between you and her.