scarletakb - I think I have seen two things in your question.

Firstly for training the best way would be to find a Dom who is willing to spend a weekend with you and your lover to show you both. There is no point in pushing your limits if you Dom-lover does not know what they are!

Many Dom's are happy to offer this but do some homework on them first as with any subby working with a new Dom. (eg Safety First) Ask to speak to one of the D's subs and get to know it. Also a good idea to ask that sub be present to help show you what and how you should be doing things.

Secondly and this is not realated to bdsm. You're looking for an escape from the real world. You have a lover. Things with your husband are not going well. Now unless there are reason and things you have not listed what it really sounds like is you want a new life. So why not move out and go 24/7 with your lover?

Just my thoughts to be taken however.