How do we combine love with expecting the loved one to follow your own needs?

Give and take, compromise, and communication.
Then maybe it is a sign of love that a person is willing to do that?

One thing you did not mention, which I feel is the backbone of a long lasting loving relationship is forgiveness. We all screw up, little things, big things, whatever, and if you don't constantly forgive the other person, the irritations are going to grow until you can't tolerate them any more. Like a burr under the horse's saddle. You have to take the saddle off, fix the problem, but then you have to forgive the horse for squirrelling around on you, maybe throwing you off into the dirt, when it was uncomfortable. Or you'll just be mad all day. And the horse has to forgive you for riding when it was uncomfortable, or the horse will still be mad and throw you off again.
A good point!