With the recent posts from and about those who have survived sexual abuse, I thought it might be a good idea to focus on the idea of rape fantasies.

Despite, or maybe because of, all the negative connotations of rape there are many people, both male and female, who have fantasies about rape or being raped. Fantasy rape should not be mistaken for actual rape--during a fantasy rape scene the ‘victim’ still has the right and ability to stop the scene and end the fantasy.

The negotiations for fantasy rape scenes should be quite extensive. Prior to the commencement of the scene, discuss all the details. Here are some sample questions:

1. Will a weapon be used?
2. Will there be abusive language or name calling?
3. Will humiliation or degradation be involved?
4. Will there be actual penetration?
5. Will there be physical violence?
6. What is the safe word?
7. Will the scene be scheduled or will it be a surprise?
8. Will it involve kidnapping?
9. Will it involve a mask, blindfold, bondage, or costumes?
10. What are the limits (choking, slapping, fisting, etc)?
11. Will it involve bodily fluids? If so what type of precautions will be used (condoms, gloves, etc)?
12. At what point will the scene stop?

The main thing to remember is that this is role-play. The ‘victim’ of this type of play is completely in control. It is vital that the Dominant respect all negotiations and limits within the scene. NEVER ignore a safe word, even when the scene is designed to create a feeling of helplessness and fear. To ignore the safe word would take this fantasy out of role-play and slam you back into reality, where rape is really rape.

Be advised that a person who initially consents to sexual conduct is not deemed to have consented to any sexual conduct that occurs after s/he withdraws consent. In other words, if at anytime your partner safe words out and says “No,” stop immediately.

Rape is a dreadful experience and it can be particularly heinous when it involves a Dominant and a slave/sub. The level of trust that must be present for a BDSM relationship to be successful is high, and when that trust is broken, the results can be devastating. Never risk your bond for the fleeting fulfillment of a fantasy.

Keep it safe, sane and consensual and everybody wins.