have you ever woken up thinking about yoiur dreams and life and everything you look forward to and say "hey that doesnt belong there?" i did. i woke up this morning thinking about being completely bound and i dont know why but lately thats all i have wanted. and i want it to the extent that i cannot move. i used to like disobeying because sometimes the punishments were fun but something has changed. i want to obey. i want to do everything He tells me to do. i want to make Him happy and service Him until He wants me to stop (which is never so i alwasy have to ask permission to stop.. lol). but i really havent wanted to be bound like this before and the way i feel about the lifestyle is changing too. i dunno but im kinda embarrassed talking to Him about the way im feeling and what im really wanting... but i dunno,, maybe ill get the guts pretty soon. i dunno.

.x.cole.x.