On The Realities of 24/7

[Austerus]

For the purposes of this essay/rant I am using terms for a male Dom and a female sub. This isn't to offend or to suggest that I think it applies less to a Dom/Domme/Master/Miestress, sub/slave, he/she, but it's a lot easier to type in a single mode than with so many slashies. The essay/rant is addressed to Doms, but I think it's stuff that probably applies for both sides of the D/s equation.

[Rant]

On the Realities of 24/7
a.k.a. - Slow Down There Skippy...Have You Thought Your Cunning Plan All The Way Through?

As Doms most of us have probably thought, at one time or another, of a 24/7 relationship. We have fantasies. We read stories. How perfect would it be to have a succulent little slave girl available all the time at our beck and call, always up for whatever devious sexual or domestic task we might have for her? Nothing could be better right? Well as it turns out yes. That's right. It's pretty damned awesome. That, however, does not mean that real life plays out quite like our fantasies. These are my musings on the realities of a 24/7 relationship and a few things I think any dominant should give some serious thought to before carrying his prize, gagged and bound, into the sunset.

Money:
Are you rich? I don't mean a multi-billionaire, but are you financially well-off? If you're like most people and living either paycheck to paycheck or with a cushion of a few months earnings in case of emergency, can you afford to have a full-time sub who doesn't work? People cost money to maintain after all, otherwise most of us would quit our jobs. You will spend money for clothes, for toys, for food, for countless incidental expenses. If you aren't rich, and you can't afford to take care of another person on your salary, will your sub work? Full time or part time? What kind of job? If your sub works, will the money go into your account or into hers? Will she have an allowance? If your sub works, what effect will a full time job have on her duties as a sub?

If you are holding on to her money, will you place money into a savings account for her? If not, do you want to be responsible for her being destitute if something goes wrong with the relationship? Sure it can seem kind of sexy in fantasy to have someone be completely dependent on you and ruined if you kick her out, but in your heart do you really want to be -that- guy?

Is your sub going to do any of the household shopping? If so, will you give her cash? One (or more) of your credit cards to use? And how will she get there? Well...

Transportation:
Will your sub be allowed to leave the house? Without you? If so, does she have a car? Can you afford to buy and maintain a car for her? Can you afford insurance on the car, and gas for it? If you can't afford a car, are you prepared to be your sub's chauffeur to all her medical appointments, to any cosmetic-related appointments that she may need to make, to the grocery store, to anywhere else she needs to go? Will your employer be understanding when you have to take three or four hours off in the middle of the day to take your sub to a doctor's appointment? Do you want to spend time after work most nights taking your sub to the grocery store or the drug store or wherever?

If your sub isn't allowed to leave the house...well now you have a serious life hiccup. Are there professionals of all the necessary varieties (medical, dental, hair and beauty, etc. etc) who make hosue calls in your neighborhood? Are there grocery stores that deliver? Is it mentally healthy for your sub to be at home all the time?

Health:
If you live in a country without free health care, this is an important topic. Does your sub work a job that gives her good medical insurance? If her job doesn't offer insurance or if she does not work, will you be able to put her on -your- insurance? Have you checked your policy for whether it admits slaves? If you can't get an insurance policy for her, are you prepared to pay out of pocket for checkups, for birth control, for dental cleanings? Never mind paying for fillings in cavities or (you better hope not) a root canal. Never mind paying for the emergency room if your sub slips and breaks her leg, or hits her head on something and needs stitches or hospital care. Even if she does have insurance, are you prepared to pay all the co-pays and deductibles and unpaid portions of medical expenses for a whole extra person? Are you -sure-? This is not something you can get away with skimping on. Even if you don't care about her well being, you don't want her coughing all over your friends and family do you?

Social Life:
Will your sub go out to social events with your friends and family when you go? Your vanilla friends and family? If not, how will you respond to all the questions about that nice young lady who answers to phone at your house? How will you respond to questions about getting a girlfriend or attempts to set you up with someone? If she does, how will you present her? As your sub? As your girlfriend? If the former, will your vanilla friends and family accept that? Are you ready to lose or damage what may be important relationships to you? If the latter, how will this affect your 24/7 relationship? Will your sub be allowed to go out and do things with your female friends or spouses (spice?) of your male friends? How often? Is it mentally healthy for you to keep her from seeing people or having her own friends? This doesn't even consider when other people come to visit you at your house of course...

Domestic Life:
When friends or family knock on your door will your sub be wearing a collar? Will she be naked? How will you present her to visitors? Is your house equipped with a dungeon? If so, is the house large enough (and are your friends and family respectful enough of your privacy) that nobody will ever want to see what's behind -that- door? Are you ready to answer questions about toys that may be left out in the open? Are you ready to answer those questions when your grandmother asks them?

Who is going to cook? Does your sub enjoy cooking? If not, does she even know -how- to cook? Do you want to eat food three times a day prepared by someone who is a bad cook? Do you like to cook? Do you want to cook for two three times a day? If not, can you afford to buy the (more expensive and less healthy) types of prepared or restaurant food that will feed two?

Did you meet your sub online? If so is it safe to say that computers and spending time online are important to your sub? Do you have the resources for an extra computer? What other hobbies does your sub have? How much time will you give her for pursuing these hobbies? Can you afford to support these hobbies? Can you afford, emotionally and health-wise, to -not- support these hobbies?

Do you like to have a drink when you get home? How many? How many drinks can you have before it becomes unwise to attempt a scene with your sub? Are you prepared to back way off for the night if you have had one too many? Are you responsible enough to make that decision? If your sub is worried that you have had one too many to do a safe scene, will you listen to her? Will your domly feelings be bruised that she is telling you what to do?




All of this is just a small sampling of the many, many questions I have asked myself over the last 15 years as I thought about 24/7 relationships. These are things that need to be thought out, up front, by people looking to get involved with a sub on this level. Reality has a way of imposing itself on even the sweetest of fantasies, and while there are certainly ways to handle any and all of these situations, you need a plan. Make sure you think your cunning plan all the way through before you commit to it.

[/Rant]

[Arria]

Lovely.
Thank you for this thread.

[Logic1]

lol. I thought about making a post like this but you sure beat me to the point.
well written and thank you for saving me the effort

[hikochan]

While I might fantasize about being the perfect domestic goddess/slave, I know that in reality it will most likely never happen. And I'm not sure I would really want it anyway. I've grown rather accustomed to my freedom and doms give you lots of rules. : But it still makes for a nice fantasy...

Thanks for posting all this! It gives you something to think about to bring you back to reality.

[annie]

And you didn't even mention children... IF they are in she picture or wanted...

THAT would add an entirely new aspect as well....

Thanks for posting!

[13'sbadkitty]

And you didn't even mention children... IF they are in she picture or wanted...

THAT would add an entirely new aspect as well....

Thanks for posting!

W/we have kids...changes everything dramatically! it creates a curve in what He expects of me when they are around. W/we have been forced to step out of whatever romantic notions W/we have had and to value little forms of D/s throughout the day. for example when i am awake i wear a slave anklet...kids love the bells! as i have to work i am allowed to tuck it in a sock! things like capitalization for Him and lowercase for me take on a real meaning as 50% of the time W/we are under cover! He jokes all the time about if He wins lotto, He will get a nanny and a maid so i can be locked in a cage when He isn't busy with me. thanks for the well thought out post!

[TheLimey]

Could have sworn I'd actually posted a reply to this, but damned if it hasn't gone and vanished..

24/7 would be a wonderful thing, but I'd almost like to start another thread that looks at how the majority of us fit D/s into real life. As we work longer and longer, commute for hours, when do we find the time?

[princess_of_pain]

An excellent and informative thread Austerus, thanks so much for starting posting!

[Euryleia]

*bump*

[Tojo]

Good thread Austerus- yeah most people don't seem to think of what's involved in an online relationship with someone they've never met, let alone the full blown 24/7 slave thing!

It's a sad day sometimes, when people discover that any relationship takes work, planning & effort.

Anyway, I do have it all planned- I want a professional woman capable of making huge amounts of money. She goes out to work every day, then comes home to make my tea & fill my needs.

A wild night of lovemaking follows, where I lie back & watch her tie herself up & please me. I've been asleep all day, so she gets to amuse me til midnight.

Any takers???

[sidhewolf]

Online is or can be so much more fun, as none of these Realities or considerations, or Responsibilities are really there, even though PPL do think of some of them if They become more serious with Their Online Partner(s). Too many times the fantasy rules until One hits that wall of Reality. Day to day bills, work, laundry, finances, and All the other Realities of Life and Living, remain after that computer goes off. Other ITF Pre-Existing Partner(s), Children if One or another has them, and so much more. These things are all easy to forget, or put aside, while One is online. Real Life, day to day Living 24/7 is sooooooo very much different.

Moving from the fluff and warm fuzzies of online to ITF/RL 24/7, there is a lot to consider, all posted here and more.

Another important thing also I'd like to mention about moving an online Relationship to ITF/RT. That Dom/me', Master/Mistress, Submissive or Slave, One talks and plays with online, is a Real Person with a Real Life, just like You. And chances are You don't quite Know Them as well as You might think. Really Knowing Someone takes ITF/RT Time and Experience with that Person. Online Relating does not give a full and True picture of that Person, out of the fantasy mode. Online One may mention certain Realities of Their day to day Life. But when One is not actually there for those things/experiencing those things with that Person, it is easy not to see them how they really are.

This post is Really Good I think for Those who are considering moving Their online Relationship to ITF/RT. It calls to front many things that do not confront One while online.

Thank You for posting this.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[sidhewolf]

Good thread Austerus- yeah most people don't seem to think of what's involved in an online relationship with someone they've never met, let alone the full blown 24/7 slave thing!

It's a sad day sometimes, when people discover that any relationship takes work, planning & effort.

Anyway, I do have it all planned- I want a professional woman capable of making huge amounts of money. She goes out to work every day, then comes home to make my tea & fill my needs.

A wild night of lovemaking follows, where I lie back & watch her tie herself up & please me. I've been asleep all day, so she gets to amuse me til midnight.

Any takers???

<giggles> Sounds a lot like my ITF/RT Life now. And I cannot handle more then 1 of these lol. Just letting You Know it is Possible for You to find though .

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[Isabella King]

Good thread Austerus- yeah most people don't seem to think of what's involved in an online relationship with someone they've never met, let alone the full blown 24/7 slave thing!

It's a sad day sometimes, when people discover that any relationship takes work, planning & effort.

Anyway, I do have it all planned- I want a professional woman capable of making huge amounts of money. She goes out to work every day, then comes home to make my tea & fill my needs.

A wild night of lovemaking follows, where I lie back & watch her tie herself up & please me. I've been asleep all day, so she gets to amuse me til midnight.

Any takers???

This is a true slave that you're after.
Oh, and I'm not here to take you up on that offer - I prefer to be adored even if I am kept in chains ( not literally - well, not always)


I'm pretty much 24/7 but we have no children and I don't work outside the house. I spend my life looking after his needs and take very little in return. I have very few personal possessions and my pleasures are granted on his whim, but I like it this way, otherwise I wouln't hang around.

I am allowed out on my own, but this is a rare occurrence. I drive his car, but I have no bank account and any money that I earn goes into his account.

As for our social life - we have friends - but the girls tend to dislike me and guys the opposite, but no one outside of our home knows how we live.

[kandslut]

Thanks for starting this thread, one of the most mature we have read. Yes so many problems to contend with if you want to live the classic fantasy 24/7 situation. That said who is to say anything less blatant isnt 24/7 slavery. We have been in a loving but harsh and chalanging Master slave relationship for many years, yes things have evolved to reach this point, and that is good in itself.

slave, who has been named cunt, is owned property in every sense of the word. But we live in the real vanila world and cunt is not chained up 24/7. We have periods when we do little sm, but cunt still konws its place in the order of things, and we have so many little ways to remind it. In vanila company it uses its vanila name freely and bahaves appropriatley, but has reached the point where it sees cunt as its real name.

Sorry for sounding all deep and pompus, but we just wanted to point ou that there are many versions of workable bdsm situations, and who knows where ours will end up. Part of the fun and stimulation has to be seeing the ongoing development.

We could go on and on, but if you are interted in knowing more plese feel free to ask or drop us a line.

K and cunt

[~faerie~]

lol.....a pretty fantasy

[orangeblossoms]

I need to forward this thread to my Master before the 24/7 prisoner/slave wife thing takes place..lol, and for the record, I totally dont think anything thru, thats what my fiance is for

[alpha_Straye]

are You saying the Dominant party has to do more than lay there and be fanned? *shock* *L*

[ObjectivistActivist]

My pet and I are living this life right now, so little testimonial on a functioning 24/7 D/s relationship.

Money:
For the moment, I work and she doesn't purely for legal reasons. We haven't finished her immigration process yet, but once we do I expect her to be productive on her own (read: get a job). Her money will stay hers, though it will be spent only with approval (and only after necessities are taken care of).

Transportation:

My pet uses my vehicle when I'm not working (assuming I don't drive her where she needs to go myself), with permission, and when I am working I leave emergency cab fare though she's not to go far from the house when I'm not there (excepting emergencies, of course).

Health:

At the moment, my pet's health care expenses are out of pocket for me, and I don't mind that. I can skip a new video game or an extra steak or three in the month to pay to have a healthy pet. That's certainly a value exchange I'm willing to make. Once her immigration process is completed, though, she'll have access to socalized medicine (which is out of pocket for me, only in a different respect ). The ideal, of course, would be that my work benefits and her work benefits ultimately cover any medical expenses, but that could be a way off yet. Still, even if it was to remain out of pocket for the rest of our lives, I don't think I'd mind overmuch. The most valuable things often have high price tags, and I just consider it one of the payments I make for having a good pet.
That being said, I also expect a healthy lifestyle so as to keep the cost of healthcare down. But that's just sensical.

Social Life:

My pet and I share most of our social circle, and it's largely based online. She's allowed to speak to whomever she wants, though I dictate what she is and is not allowed to talk about in some situations and with some people. I have my pet collared all the time (I make some allowances when at home occasionally, but outside of the house she is expected to display her ownership with pride). What our vanilla friends or family think of it is really of no concern to me. Their issues are their own, and if they can't get over the realities of our relationship they're free to cease to be our friends, or in the case of family cease to speak to us. I won't lose any sleep over trying to appease others, that's for sure. Depending on the situation, I'll present her as my wife, or pet. Both are true and equally valid, so it really just depends on whether I'm likely to be forced to waste my time defending something I should have no reason to defend.

When and if belle makes friends of her own in this area, or decides to spend time with my friends' spouses or other halves, that will be acceptable within reason. I'd let her go out to a show with her friends so long as it didn't interfere with her duties or my plans, etc. Again, there are conditions, such as she must wear my collar at all times, certain types of outtings aren't acceptable, and she must wear the attire I select for her, and so on.

Domestic Life:

As I stated before, my pet is always collared, so when people come over she will have it on. As I also stated before, if they don't like it there's a short pier I can direct them to upon which they can take a long walk. We don't have a dungeon yet, but hopefully some day in the not too distant future that will be a reality. At which point, people would be free to ask what's behind "that door" if they want. The only questioning I object to is accusatory questioning I should not have to deal with, so I don't particularly feel any concern about things being left out where others might see it.

My pet does the majority of the cooking and, fortunately for me, is very good at and enjoys it. Occasionally I will cook, or take her out to dinner (the latter being preferable as I'm not a great cook myself). We both enjoy this arrangement, as it gives her an opportunity to do something she can take a great deal of pride in, and it gives me an opportunity to appreciate the skill and abilities being laid at my feet.

We did meet online, and spending time online is relatively important to my pet. I don't see anything particularly objectionable to allowing her that in her free time. She's a pretty responsible person about not allowing her hobby time to interfere with her work (domestic or otherwise), so I haven't had to set out any sort of hard schedule unless I feel like doing so.

Drinking isn't much of an issue at my house. When I do it, it's in moderation, and my pet doesn't drink much. I've never been an "angry drunk" though, so even if I have one too many, it's usually just a case of me ruining my night by making myself sick, as opposed to a loss of self-control and a risk of injuring her.

Children:

I have a five year old daughter from a previous relationship who lives with me but for every other weekend. Obviously she has to be taken into consideration in our daily lives, and how much of our D/s relationship is superficially evident. She's one of the reasons my pet calls me Sir instead of Master. We have to keep the tone of it all fairly low most of the time when she's awake and not at school, but it's not impossible to find a balance. Ultimately, there will no doubt be questions, but I think if you plan on addressing them honestly and (in so far as your child's rational faculty is developed) openly, it will be a potentially challenging but not destructive conversation.

On weekends when my daughter is at her mother's house, we tend to ramp up our play a little more. On the one hand, it's hard sometimes not to be able to do all you want to when the urge strikes you, but on the other hand it's good to have a time to look forward to regularly when you know that all the stops can come out.

All in all I think we succeed fairly well at our 24/7, and like any relationship it requires an investment of time and effort. In the case of a 24/7 D/s relationship, it potentially requires a lot more effort than a vanilla relationship, especially with the addition of complications such as children and/or vanilla friendships (for those who place a lot of value in such).

[Borgs_slave]

We have been an M/s , TPE couple for 8 years. I work and he works because we like to eat and pay bills. I run our horse farm and things along with that also. Master is a teacher and me a nurse. I have a list of things I do according to my schedule. In our home there is no separation of M/s and vanilla, it is all integrated so we always live the way we want. I do not spend hours chained to his side. My purpose is to serve him the way he wants I agreed to that in the beginning.

I have freedoms to do the tasks as I want. To the vanilla world we are just an ordinary married couple, to us we are an M/s couple living the way we want. He is always Master and I am always his slave. The reality of 24/7 is not the fantasy most have. When you live with someone you have to deal with their snoring, underwear on the floor etc. WE have made it work our way and continue to do it that way. That is what works for us.

[ashtonDs]

Underwear on the floor?

Isn't that where it's supposed to go? I mean it always disappears for a couple of days, then magically reappears in my drawer, folded neatly.

*laughs and runs away as he is beaten with a dirty sock*

[Borgs_slave]

Underwear on the floor?

Isn't that where it's supposed to go? I mean it always disappears for a couple of days, then magically reappears in my drawer, folded neatly.

*laughs and runs away as he is beaten with a dirty sock*

LOL

[thorn_circlet]

Awesome post! People don't think about logistics and fantasies can be realized without concern for logistics...

I'm entering a new relationship myself and this is all improtant stuff to think about.

- Thorn
http://hisnewpet.blogspot.com/

[FrgnSwtc]

*bump*

[bluefarie]

This is a wonderful post and i'm so glad it got bumped so i saw it! In addition to all of these challenges, the child part is often the hardest for Master and myself.

How much is too much in front of the child? What should i call Master in front of the very inquisitive 3 year old who repeats everything he hears?! Did i remember to lock the bedroom door after said child went to sleep so he doesn't acidently walk in on something? *phew* thank god i did! lol What do you mean there isn't crazy 2 plus hour bdsm sessions every night after junior goes to bed?!

How are chores divided up if the slave works and the Master isn't able to or if B/both are working? Is it reasonable to expect said slave who works all day to come home, clean, do laundry, cook, take care of the child, etc and then be physically and emotionally ready to be used at the Master's whim?

How do you transition from the every day vanilla duties and baggage back to Master/slave? (btw this is very important emotionally for both parties)

What if Master gets sick or slave gets sick or child gets sick?!

These are just a few things to consider as well, just like any other relationship, there are many things to take into account. This type of relationship can be and is very rewarding, but does take a lot of effort, but that's most successful relationships!

Congrats to all of those making it work for them, though! Master and i are still adjusting and tweaking things and are quite happy that this doesn't have to be just a fantasy anymore.

bluefarie, very happily owned and engaged to Master Archeon

[Ozme52]

This is a wonderful post and i'm so glad it got bumped so i saw it! In addition to all of these challenges, the child part is often the hardest for Master and myself.

How much is too much in front of the child? What should i call Master in front of the very inquisitive 3 year old who repeats everything he hears?!

Always an interesting question. Lot's of vanillas use Papa or Daddy as if it were a name. It encourages the child to do so too, as a child using a first name is often seen as inappropriate. (If this is this a pre-existing child and an incoming step-parent, that may be less of an issue.) Some have suggested pet names... and foreign pet names for "Master" may work for you. Pet diminuatives are easier. He can call easily call you by any number of pet names, including pet if that works, and not be unusual.

Did i remember to lock the bedroom door after said child went to sleep so he doesn't acidently walk in on something? *phew* thank god i did! lol What do you mean there isn't crazy 2 plus hour bdsm sessions every night after junior goes to bed?!

A problem that is no different for vanilla couples... and you have identified the solution. Locks.

How are chores divided up if the slave works and the Master isn't able to or if B/both are working? Is it reasonable to expect said slave who works all day to come home, clean, do laundry, cook, take care of the child, etc and then be physically and emotionally ready to be used at the Master's whim?

My personal answer to this is "Yes". Hopefully he will be the type to share some of this... but perhaps it will be in a manner other than a division of labors. Maybe he likes to cook... or fold... or swab. Maybe he doesn't but likes grocery shopping. My spouse hates reconciling the checkbook, doing the taxes, some tasks can't be divied up on a day-by-day basis, so be aware of those things you each do that fall into monthly or annual cycles too. Snow shoveling? Yardwork? Brits love their gardens. (Of course, he may require that of you too. The life of a slave. sigh. )

How do you transition from the every day vanilla duties and baggage back to Master/slave? (btw this is very important emotionally for both parties)

You know... I honestly think this isn't a problem if there is that over-arching presence of his dominion and your submission. It flows, waxes, and wanes as needed.

What if Master gets sick or slave gets sick or child gets sick?!

These are just a few things to consider as well, just like any other relationship, there are many things to take into account. This type of relationship can be and is very rewarding, but does take a lot of effort, but that's most successful relationships!

Congrats to all of those making it work for them, though! Master and i are still adjusting and tweaking things and are quite happy that this doesn't have to be just a fantasy anymore.

bluefarie, very happily owned and engaged to Master Archeon

You've answered your own questions. You (both) make it work by working at it. Not taking any part of it for granted.

[Ozme52]

You know... I honestly think this isn't a problem if there is that over-arching presence of his dominion and your submission. It flows, waxes, and wanes as needed.

Ahhh, I love it.

Even when it's unintentional, I'm funny.

[bluefarie]

Oz, i see your puns and they are in deed punny! LOL...i meant these questions to be more rhetorical for people entering this type of relationship, but thank you very much for your lovely answers!

These are just some of the things that Master and i faced while living together for His stay here and i'm quite sure there will be more tweaks and fine tunings along the way!


Bluefarie, very happily owned and engaged to Master Archeon

[leo9]

Of course when those little bundles of joy enter the picture they often have the most say how things get done, lol.

When some of my BDSM buddies announced the birth of their first sprog I responded "Welcome to 24/7 slavery."

[TheLimey]

And so saying, I look further down the forum, and find the very thread I was suggestion.

My apologies to all...

[Sweep]

I'm all for good BDSM fun but if my partner was naked all the time and available all the time the novelty would wear off.