Are switches confused or is everybody else?

[Moonraker]

It seems to be the popular consensus switches are confused. Not sure why, would love to know. I certainly don't feel confused. Surely we all have a little of everything in us, its just a case of what the mix is. A lot of subbies here get very dommie at times and seem to greatly enjoy it. Is it a case of switches not being able to make their minds up. For me it's more a case of wanting a full menu to choose from then deciding what I want to eat tonight based on my mood or what the the chef's speciality is. If I had to choose just one particular dish and eat the same thing every time, it would drive me nuts. Variety is the spice of life.

[sidhewolf]

It seems to be the popular consensus switches are confused. Not sure why, would love to know. I certainly don't feel confused. Surely we all have a little of everything in us, its just a case of what the mix is. A lot of subbies here get very dommie at times and seem to greatly enjoy it. Is it a case of switches not being able to make their minds up. For me it's more a case of wanting a full menu to choose from then deciding what I want to eat tonight based on my mood or what the the chef's speciality is. If I had to choose just one particular dish and eat the same thing every time, it would drive me nuts. Variety is the spice of life.

Hello Moonraker <waves>~

Personally and from my experience, it's not that Switches are confused, it's that Switches are confusing to most OP. Especially those that want to or do in fact Choose a certain path for themselves...and follow Just That. Some PPL don't understand diversity, especially in OP, some PPL don't like diversity <shrugs>. I Agree that All PPL have "a little of Everything" in them. At the same time though *most* are predominantly this or that Role as PPL, and that's ok too. I also Agree that Your "full menu" ideology is more the case with *most* Switches I have met and Know, then a "can't make up their mind" thingy.

Partner here is a Switch as one of his many facets....and at the very least that alone can keep things interesting <G>. In all fairness to PPL who have a strictly defined Self and expectations of others however, Switches being as they are are tough on those types of PPL. Even someone as diverse and multi-faceted as myself. Having gone from a Strictly Self Defined *M* as Always Dominant, who taught and directed me in Topping others, was NEVER Topped by anyone else. To an *M* who is a Switch with more facets than one can imagine...but an *M* none the less. Was Very difficult for even me. What a Switch <WEG> pun intended <winks>.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[gloombunny]

It seems to be the popular consensus switches are confused. Not sure why, would love to know.

Bisexuals get the same kind of crap. People just love pigeonholing each other, and they resent anyone who defies it.

[WyldWyl]

Bisexuals get the same kind of crap. People just love pigeonholing each other, and they resent anyone who defies it.

I agree! As a bi switch, I frequently find people think I'm either just massively confused, or just greedy for fun. But I don't see myself like that. I'm an unfiltered person, who can see things from a lot of angles at once without becoming confused. I think I'm actually anti-confused, which gives me the strength to have a vaguer description of myself and occupy many roles at once.

So, some switches might be as confused as everyone else, but I don't see myself that way.

[MitchC]

I'm a switch. I dont consider myself "Confused". For me, my switch status, is simply a matter of the fact that I enjoy the roles of both dom and sub. I find it arousing both to dominate a girl, and to be dominated by a girl.
While I see the posters point about some switches being confused, it isnt that way for me.

Mitch

[Moonraker]

While I see the posters point about some switches being confused, it isnt that way for me. Mitch

You may have misunderstood me. I wasn't saying they were, I was saying I don't understand why some/people think they are and like you I don't feel confused... or at least I don't think so...come to think of it I'm not quite sure now.

[MitchC]

Okay, I apologize for misunderstanding you, Moonraker.

To answer the real question you were asking, this is my view. You mentioned not understanding why some people think they are. I think there might be a couple of reasons. First, I think that stereotypes say that a man should be the dom. So, for some men, you might have them thinking: "Hmm, why do I enjoy this? Should I really? Is it really okay for me to enjoy being both sub and dom?"

Another reason, I think, is how they feel when placed in roles of both sub and dom. Some people enjoy both roles equally, while others enjoy one role more than the other. I think there might be thoughts by some people, that their BDSM experiences would be "better", and less complex, if they stuck to just one role of either dom or sub, and would be easier on their partners, especially in the case where they would dom, and have to ask a partner to sub, and the partner might not want to sub.

These are just a few thoughts. I dont know if you agree, but this is how I see it, Moonraker.

Mitch

[Moonraker]

Mitch

To an extent it was a rhetorical question. I have two views. Firstly the human tendency to pidgeon hole people or stereotype as you say. I can understand this, but stereotyping seems a bit strange coming out of a community considered by the world at large to perverted deviants who need their heads testing.

Secodly the view I came across on another thread that you can't be good at two things. The problem with that is there are many cases of people excelling in more than one field and also, if true so what. What's the problem if you enjoy playing the guitar as a pasttime but ain't very good at.

The confusion theory irks me a bit. Makes me feel like the "perverts" consideri me perverse ha ha.

PS - nobody disputed my comment that it was the the general view, I expected 'never heard anyone say that' responses.

[Ozme52]

It seems to be the popular consensus switches are confused. Not sure why, would love to know. I certainly don't feel confused. Surely we all have a little of everything in us, its just a case of what the mix is. A lot of subbies here get very dommie at times and seem to greatly enjoy it. Is it a case of switches not being able to make their minds up. For me it's more a case of wanting a full menu to choose from then deciding what I want to eat tonight based on my mood or what the the chef's speciality is. If I had to choose just one particular dish and eat the same thing every time, it would drive me nuts. Variety is the spice of life.

Is it? That's news to me. Even as a card-carrying "uber-Dom" it's news to me. I don't see a lick of confusion among those who enjoy both sides of the kink-fence.

Ha!! I reacted to the first sentence, replied, and then read the rest.

You were just confused about how to rhetorically post the question.

[Moonraker]

Ozme52

I'm seem to have caused great confusion with the first sentence of my post. On reflection I should have said, many switches here get confused with the English language. That said, I'm off to join a "How to write proper English" class!

[Faibhar]

All posted here seem to basically agree on arbitrarily decrees pontificated by so-called subs, or subbies, that to switch is to necessarily waffle on one's conviction, and that switching is also to allow both sides of the coin when it comes to intimate matters.
Allowing diversity/ open-thinking, etc, frees inhibitions and in many instances can aid in one's growth.

F.

[newby]

I agree! As a bi switch, I frequently find people think I'm either just massively confused, or just greedy for fun. .

i'm neither bi or a switch but i'm wondering, what's wrong w/ being just greedy for fun??

[Ruby]

"I switch therefore I am", said Ruby.

PS - nobody disputed my comment that it was the the general view, I expected 'never heard anyone say that' responses.

Okay, I'll dispute it. I disagree with your statement and don't believe that it's, "the popular consensus switches are confused".

I'm at one with my duality. I believe that people can be good at more than one thing. I also believe that by limiting ourselves with too many rules and labels, we end up in very small boxes.

I agree that "variety is the spice of life". For those of us who enjoy being switches, sometimes we get to have our cake and eat it, too.

Interesting discussion Moonraker.

While I don't believe that everyone else is confused about switches, I do believe that a good many of them are confused.

So, let's keep the education going.

[Faibhar]

Can 10K cows be wrong??

[tazzinnc]

Switches are not confused, just twice the fun

[gloombunny]

i'm neither bi or a switch but i'm wondering, what's wrong w/ being just greedy for fun??

Nothing, really, but it's still kind of annoying when people assume that's why I'm bi or switchy. My being greedy for fun is a wholly separate thing.

[Moonraker]

Ruby

You disagee with "a popular consensus" but say many people do agree. Now I am getting confused. Aside from a statistical survey aint they kinda the same thing. Maybe I chose the wrong term and should have just said 'lots of folk think"

Anyway as I said before, for me it aint difficult. Today I want steak tommorow I want lobster. Ain't confused, just like to surf and turf it a bit.

[Ruby]

Moonraker,

I think without a statistical survey we are safer with the "many people agree", without claiming that a majority agree.

I'm so glad you know what you want and when you want it. That rocks!

Ruby

[WyldWyl]

i'm neither bi or a switch but i'm wondering, what's wrong w/ being just greedy for fun??

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

[Cool Luke's Hand]

You've probably heard of Kinsey's theory of sexuality (basically that everybody is at least a little attracted to members of the same sex) and, while I don't agree with it, I think the theory applies to switches rather nicely. Just as switches like to dabble in both ends of the spectrums, so to do bisexuals, and I've never heard anybody call a bisexual person confused and mean it.

[gloombunny]

I've never heard anybody call a bisexual person confused and mean it.

Then you haven't been listening very hard. I'm frankly kind of astonished to hear you say that.

[Cool Luke's Hand]

Then you haven't been listening very hard. I'm frankly kind of astonished to hear you say that.

Emphasis: I. I've never heard bisexuals being referred to as confused; I've heard people claim that teenage girls classing themselves as bisexual is attention-seeking behaviour (and with the proliferation of sites like Facebook and Myspace, they're getting the attention they seek), but not that they're confused. I don't see what's so astonishing about that.

[gloombunny]

It's just surprising to me because I hear people saying that about bi folks all the time. There are lots of people who plain don't believe bisexuality really exists. That all of us claiming to be bi are either (a) homosexual and in denial, or (b) straight and trying to be trendy. (The former is more common for bi men and the latter for bi women, of course.)

[ghostgirl]

Hope this thread isn't dead...this is my cherry post. *grin*

Great article that pretty much sums up my attitude:
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdswitch.html

[Hime]

I'm bi, switch, and poly, and I'm definitely not confused -- I wouldn't be messing around doing something if I couldn't figure out whether I enjoyed it or not.

I can see how some people in the scene really want to believe that everyone would be happier if they'd just embrace either dominance or submission, but I don't think that's true for me -- I'm more sub than I am dom, but my dom side is an important piece of the puzzle that composes me.

[craven]

I agree with the comments of the other switches, I am neither confused nor necessarily greedy for what ever is going, although again as has been stated not that there is anything remotely greedy in seeking as much fun as one can get their hands on.

I am a switch, I can say this hand on heart, I am more dominant than submissive but have identified and learned to appreciate and allow my submissive side to surface, dependent upon the relationship and my feelings for the other person.

I believe that Switches make very good doms, as we are in tune with and understand the submissives mindset and feelings.

As for being confused, I am not sure how, or why i feel as i do when I meet people, however my first impressions are very rarely wrong, or need to be changed, I know whether I feel I am in the Dom or the sub role as a result of my interaction with the individual. this may in some way be effected by my own personal needs at the time, although I would say that I have met others that I would consider being submissive to only to find that they do not trigger the right impulses within me.

When I meet a domme or switch who arouses the submissive within me I am able to perform this role within the relationship, it is rare, that I feel the need to surrender however and has only happened in a couple of instances. the first time being particularly difficult for me, as I had no real understanding of the submissives mindset. That said I now feel a better Dom for having experienced and admitted to my submissive needs.

it has greatly changed my perception of submission, and as such my interaction with subs has evololved accordingly.

Once in a relationship I do not feel the need to dom from the bottom, or encourage the sub to take control, the parameters of my relationship remain , if I have accepted another as my Domme, or taken a sub then this is how that relationship remains.

Confused no, open yes not a fan of labels the role I take within a relationship is dependent solely upon the feelings that the other person triggers within me ,these are very personal and difficult to explain, as they are really unique from person to person.

I would just like to finish up with a quick plea, I am really not an easy sub, i dont think many switches are, as such the possibility of me submitting to another is going to rely upon the strength and character of the other, for all you would be dommes and subs seking to have a go at domming a switch please dont call me your slut or little one and expect me to hop into play with you, I am not able to speak for all switches, however I am able to say that I am a far more complex character, and need to build a bond of trust and understanding before I am able to commit to either role.

[DowntownAmber]

One more perspective to toss out into the mix...

Our sexual personalities depend on more than just who we are inside our own heads and desires: we also have partners. The triggers they trip for us blend into our natural state of being and create "us" within that relationship. With J, I am very submissive. I have no desire to Domme him other than in a flip and playful manner. This being said, he's one of a very SMALL number of people that has ever drawn that out of me. My inclination with most men is to top the situation and be in control. Does that mean I'm confused? Or perhaps a switch? Nah, for me it simply means that my "inner Domme" is there to protect my true submissive self, and (I've found lately) to care for and protect others. The deep "truth of me" is sub, however and it takes a particular person to draw that out.

Debate, discuss, I'm off to grab a cookie...

[Shwenn]

I call myself a sub but I would be just as happy in the Dominant position. Either role, I don't care.

I don't know what pleasure others get from this but my focus, my love, my passion is for the submissive role. I would relish being in the role of a submissive, experiencing it from the inside. I would relish being in the role of dominant, not for the experience of being dominant, but for the experience of witnessing the submissive go through the experience. Seeing it calmly and objectively without the pressure of being under duress, taking in the reactions.

There is nothing particularly enthralling to me about being in a position of power. I'd happily take that position, but that wouldn't be the motivation.

So, does that make me a switch? Perhaps but probably not. My focus is pinpoint on submission, I have no interest in dominance itself. Am I a sub, then? Perhaps but probably not. Am I confused? Yes, completley, but no more than any other hairless ape stumbling around on this spinning rock.

[ediegir]

In my experience, the confusion is usually felt by others and it tends to be pigeonholing (although there are some people who just haven't decided yet, or are confused). I'm a bisexual switch and I am in no way confused about either...but maybe that's just me

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by ediegir:
the confusion is usually felt by others

I think you're right. The "confused" label is given by people who only know one way to go. It's not something I worry about. I like it either way and could be perfectly happy in either role. On top of that I think dom/mes who have subbed make better tops anyway. (I know, little blue guy. Relax, you'll get over it.)

Questions like, "am I more sub than dom/me" or visa versa, are not really relevant to to being a switch. Who cares? Go out and experiment and explore. The answer will come to you.

In the end, what it comes down to is you don't have to let the question bother you. If it bothers them, hey, it's their life.