hi echoes
I also like your story a lot. still you should think about shortening your sentences a little.. not actually saying less but structuring the whole a bit better..
I´ll give you an example what I mean by a Paragraph which I took out of your Story.. just hope I won´t put to many Mistakes in as I´m no native speaker..

After parking the car, I heard him get out and open the back door, picking me up, pants still down at my ankles and he threw me over his shoulders, my bared bum up in the air, where he smacked me really good a few more times…”oh yeah, nice ass you have here for smacking…so much use”, with this he started walking. I heard a door open and a voice quietly say “good… you have her” Every thing is set up and ready, come on in.

After parking the car i heard him get out and open the back door. He picked me up, my pants still down at my ankles and threw me over his shoulder. My bared bum was hanging in the air. He smacked me really good for a few more times "......."
with this he started walking. I heard a door open and a voice quietly say “good… you have her” Every thing is set up and ready, come on in.

;-) not sure this is better than yours, still I sometimes can´t remember the beginning of your sentence once I finished it.
And I´m with Anne, you could describe her feelings a little more detailed.. you could easily make a whole paragraph of one of your sentences
Thats all I don´t like ( no hints at the times etc as I won´t know anyway ;-) and won´t do any better)

What I do like is how you develop your story, I like that you begin reading and think.. now she´s getting kidnapped by a stranger .. then you realize that he must at least know her.. then you get to know she knows the master as well.. and she had a crush on him.. Your story keeps beeing surprising.

The story is definitely woth working on it for some more time