What am i? i've been aware of the online scene for a while now, though i've never been in a d/s relationship. And im still not sure where i fit in, if at all.

Heres the problem. When i first started out, i thought i was a dom. I loved the idea of having a sub kneel in front of me and completely submit to my will (and i still love it). However, as much as i enjoy that thought i can't really come up with activities or scenarios that i mite do with a sub.

I just figured it was because i was/am new to it all and becuase im very (VERY) uncreative......creativity just doesn't come naturally to me. In light of that, i decided that being a sub mite be a better start as it would allow me to learn and understand the lifestyle, before i tried to guide someone else through it.

Now, i've thought about it and even talked/flirted with a female friend of mine about the prospect of subbing. And i really do get turned on by the thought of being tied up, whipped, gaged etc. I think i'd even enjoy taking a strapon (im a straight male btw). And the thought of serving a mistress with my mouth, hands or any other part of my body drives me wild. BUT, there are other things that i dont find too appealing. For example, i'll be reading the forums and see someone suggesting possible tasks for a sub, like cum restrictions, or public humiliations or tasting your own cum...and i can't really see myself doing that (on the other hand, i think its a wonderful idea, and would definately make my sub do it all).

So all this has left me rather confused....which category do i belong in? do i belong at all? I love BDSM, and the idea that i mite just be interested in the sexual aspects of it kind scares me. Is that even a bad thing though?

Sometimes, i can't get bdsm out of my head at all....all i think about is being tied up, or tying someone up. But other times i'll go weeks without even caring about it all. It makes me question whether this lifestyle is really what i want, or am i just vanilla with a slightly kinky adventerous side.

So there you have it, my dilemma. Sorry if it sounds like a rant...thats probably cuz it kinda is . This has been bothering me for so long, im glad i could get it off my chest. Any thoughts/ideas/epiphanies would be great.

Ps: sorry if i dont reply to this right away. as i said, sometimes i just totally forget about bdsm for weeks.