There was a time, nearly a lifetime ago that I had a submissive girlfriend. We doted over each other whenever in public and could barely spend moments apart. She never knew I was a dominant partly because I was a bit nervous about letting her know that. Eventually one night after a lot of sex and alcohol, we lay nearly satiated in bed and I told her. She was delighted and we began trying out new things immediately. Blindfolds, knots, clamps and by the ened of the week we had tried it all. It was the first time I had actually practised bdsm in the bedroom. I had always been a dominant when it came to sex, no matter how much I acted otherwise, but the other kinks had never come up.
Then one night she brought me a crop and requested me to use her. This is when I made the biggest mistake of all. I listened to her. I did not see something that is so obvious to me now. She had no limits, no line beyond which she would not go. She was well and truly in love with it all, but not me. I pushed her a bit too much without knowing, for she never protested at any of it, and in the end when I uncuffed her and let her down, I saw that I had gone too far. She later told me it was the best night she had ever had, but I had seen the marks and the scars and was so ashamed at loosing control I let her go.
Last night, I helped her and her new top define lines, boundaries, safe words and all other precautions when it comes to BDSM.
The lesson I learned was that this kind of love is uinque. It required trust not only that you top will not damage you, but even that sometimes, they might know your limit, even when you dont. I have never repeated this mistake and instead have learnt a new sense of responsibility and control. But until last night, the dreams of loosing control had always haunted me. Now I think they will not return.
I hope and pray no domme ever has to live through the knowledge that you have permanently damaged a submissive in the most private and intimate areas.