This is something I've often wondered:

When people in the BDSM lifestyle claim to be 'experienced', that would seem to be a good thing - they know their own likes/dislikes, kinks, practices, tricks of the trade. Very often, experience is the particular attribute that is prized when one is looking for a new connection.

But I wonder, if, as a sub, you've not been a 'lifestyler' and all your BDSM experience has been with one other person in the context of a relationship, and you move on from that relationship, just how much 'experience' can you claim to bring to the next one? You have really only moulded yourself to one person's idiosyncrasies. You may know nothing or very little of what someone else in the lifestyle might consider 'the basics'.

So I'm wondering about this from a Dom's point of view, embarking on a new-to-you relationship:

Is the previous experience of the sub always a help to you or ever a hindrance?
Are claims of 'experience' sometimes greatly over inflated?
Do you find yourself having to sweep away what's there in order to build up what you prefer?
What tangible benefits, in your view, can be brought from previous experiences?


If you've ever been a sub in this situation, I would value your comments too.