I don't mean this in the 'question his dominance' way just simply, in your relationship with your current Dom, what is it that makes him (for lack of a better word) 'domly' compared to a 'Nilla boyfriend with high expectations?

  • Is it because YOU have chosen to submit to this particular person?
  • Is it because of rituals & mantras? and if so, would your partner still be your Dom if there wasn't a heavy emphasis on BDSM or would they (just) be your partner?
  • Is it because you like punishment & discipline? or vice versa?


There are many other possibilities & every person will have a different response based on the individual dynamic of each relationship, but I am curious how other relationships work in this regard as much of what I have seen, heard & read about is a lot of hooey, and as much as many couples do practice extreme play, most Dom/sub forums, videos & tips do not accurately portray (IMHO) actual Dom/sub relationships.

NOTE: this is not to say that these Dom/sub dynamics do not exist, because they do, but i am looking for responses from the 'less extreme' players

~ openlyrefined