First of all, I want to apologize in advance to anyone who this offends. Though my response to the 24 hour bdsm is negative, I really am trying to understand it and see the alternative point of view.

It has only recently come to my attention that for some people, bdsm is not just something that is limited to the bedroom, so to speak. As I would absolutely not tolerate anything less than equal treatment from my boyfriend in anything outside of sex, I'm utterly confused and somewhat emotionally distressed by this idea.

After seeing this page, I was very taken aback by a particular quote:

I like to have them write down 10 punishments and 10 rewards. After they have written them down, I sit down and go over the rewards and the punishments with them. Here is where a submissive will try to be somewhat sneaky, if they have a spanking fetish and have spanking down as a punishment then that needs to go to the "rewards jar" and not the "punishment jar."

If she doesn't like it, why would you do it? How would a person consent to bdsm if they don't enjoy it? I can't understand for a moment why someone would consent to a sexual practice they don't actually enjoy. The article even goes on to say that a dom absolutely must not include sex or anything sexual during punishment. Huh? I thought sexuality was the whole point! What place does bdsm have outside of sex? I also read another thread earlier, which spoke of the same thing - how to punish a sub with things they truly don't like.

Is bdsm really "real" for some people, rather than play and role-playing for the sake of a sexual fetish? Is one person truly considered lesser than the other? If that's the case, how can one separate bdsm from abuse?

Note that I do understand being pushed a little into things I don't really enjoy because that in itself is a turn-on. Sometimes my boyfriend makes me do things I don't like during play, since it turns us both on that he's making me do something I don't want to do. But I'm referring to these punishments I see people writing about which are meant to be truly unpleasant or downright cruel for the submissive, so as to actually condition them not to do something again.

Could somebody please help me to try and understand this?

EDIT: Just to add, another reason this is putting a strain on me is that many people have put forth that bdsm is anti-feminist. I usually argue with them that bdsm is simply a sexual fetish that has no reason to negatively affect an otherwise egalitarian relationship. My argument seems to fall flat on its face now and my level of comfort with bdsm is flitting away as I start to get nervous that I'm part of something oppressive.