For me, I really don't think it is about avoiding shame, because of the situations that lead to the playout of this fantasy, and the rest of our lives together. I'm just not shamed by asking for sex at other times, that's all right with me. But still, the fantasy rape is exciting, it has a thrill of danger but not real danger. Like riding a roller coaster. Any pain involved is pretty minor, not like black eye/bloody nose/broken bones type stuff. And as he says "Your pathetic struggles to escape excite me".