Ok me and my husband are normally intimate in a vanilla fashion. Its pretty wordless and understood. No one really initiates except that yes my husband physically is the first one to reach his hand out but im right there waiting for it.

Bdsm is a different matter though. I say hey lets plan to do it. He says so too. We always agree yes we should do it soon. Hes always the first one to physically reach out. Im really shy I really cant say things very well.

The problem is sometimes we have plans and I have my hand out but he is distracted and doesn't reach his out. So how can I nonverbally initiate in a way that is understood to be bdsm and NOT vanilla. I dont really have a collar so I cant just put on on and hell equate that.

I could get on my hands and knees with a flogger in my mouth. But that feels like im more like putting ideas in his head of my wants than just initiating.

What do you guys suggest?