Hello all,

Im sorry if i am not following normal protocol, im new and looking forward to meeting everyone and getting to know you all.

I have a huge problem that I would really love to seek some help with but i'm not really sure how or where to begin.

The basics... I've had pretty rubishy vanilla relationships, i've been abused etc etc i need not go in to detail. These experiences have pulled my guards up to a level I dont think even I can break down anymore.

I recently (about 6 months ago) met the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. He is a Daddy Dom, with lots of experience. He is loving, nurturing, firm, he is just amazing, to me he is everything.

We are not in a D/s relationship but we are getting closer and closer. He knows I am submissive and he knows i fight it to the very core. He knows about my past and every day he pushes me to better myself, encourages me to open up. There is nothing more he can do to help me to help myself.

My problem is... i keep on fighting him, or rather, his Dominance. I don't even know why. I would love nothing more than to give him my submission. I cant figure out why i do this. After I've snapped i feel so guilty, i hate knowing ive let him down again. Disappointed him. That in itself is punishment for me. I cant stand it.

Its not even big things i fight, its the silly little things he asks me to do. The things that my friends would ask of me and id agree without a second thought.

Is there anyone out there in a similar situation or who has had similar experiences and have worked through them? I really really need any help or guidance possible. I just dont know how to handle it anymore. I have tried biting my tongue and just letting things go, but eventually it bursts out and i end up snapping again.

I really hate it, and myself right now, for being so incredibly selfish to him.