Hi,

I know everyone is different and handles things differently. I'm posting this because I feel miserable. I feel like a hyprocrite, a liar, a cheat and guilty. My world is very vanillia and if anything it would be critical, judgmental and harsh of this lifestyle and it would kick me to the curb, telling me I'm going to hell if it knew that I enjoy this.

I feel like I'm discovering something I need, something that was missing that I don't want to give up, but I can't be both people, can I? It's like carrying a secret lie and it's not that I would proclaim to the world that this lifestyle is me-I believe in privacy, but it's that the two lives are so different that they each would condemn the other.

I can't escape this vanillia life and I don't want to give this up either. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any thoughts?
Mia