I hope that the both of you read this together.

It’s unfortunate that you both live the life and yet can’t get to where the both of you need to go and be. I believe that dealing with a person that’s harboring anger isn’t going to be easy to deal with in any way shape or form. For the moment, I’ll look at you, the submissive and can only remark on the knowledge passed on from two of your posts. Firstly, it’s not your fault. Secondly, from your expressions, this man is the love of your life and you need to offer as much support as you can. Don’t give up. Thirdly and most importantly, the children you both have must be regarded first. Those children have no clue why their parents are feeling upset and distraught. Those feelings will inevitably affect the children and in return affect the both of you. Consider this, He may miss you, especially since there are four more lives to deal with and that certainly isn’t their fault.

There’s no way that a single person can even consider attempting to resolve this issue without the other. It will take two. Now I want to look at you, the Dominant, owner of the submissive, the leader of the family and finally, the father and hero of four boys. It may not be you fault either, but a change of the dynamics in your personal and family life that’s become frustrating and at times overwhelming. I can suggest many ideas to help (I’ve been there, trust me).

There will come a day when you’ll need to open your heart and soul to the person that loves, trusts and honors you. If you don’t, you’ll miss an opportunity to connect at a level that most people can’t comprehend. Take a step back and take a good look at the grand scheme of things. Your responsibilities are staring you in the face. I’ve left a contact in your PM.

I can imagine the frustration of two people that have the need to connect except that are four other lives to deal with, each more individual than the other. They are your greatest creations. They are a gift, trust Me on that one also.

One way or another, the both of you need to “escape” from your children. You both need to plan at least one evening a week when the children are cared for, while you care for each other. At the same time, learn to “debrief” the negative sentiments that the both of you recognize as “mixed messages and poison”.

A show of affection or display of fondness within the family structure while in the company of your children is healthy. No one’s saying that the whips and chains need to be brought out either. There’s nothing stopping either of you.

Here’s My suggestions:
Forgive each other.
Trust each other.
Speak to each other.
Remind each other of where you both came from.
Go out on a date(s).
Run away from your kids!
Hire a nanny, sitter, ask your parents, siblings – what ever - ESCAPE!
Cook with each other – look at the recipes on this site, they’re great.
Do the dishes with each other and vocalize your naughtiest thoughts.
Grab each others asses when the kids aren’t watching.
Stop making kids! < that's humor by the way
Make sure those children have their own rooms.

You both need to go back to the beginning and enjoy that journey. There’s no simple fix and it will take work to ensure the relationship is healthy. I also strongly recommend outside help from a professional, NOT the church or friends but a professional that will help you both recognize the issues for what they are.

These are only My thoughts and suggestions, no more than that. I’m not passing judgment either but I can tell the both of you a few more things.

The heart ache of loss between two people and their children isn’t measurable. The ones that suffer the most are the children and the lawyers reap their own rewards.
Lastly, respect begets respect and honor without respect is empty.

Best of everything. Kore