I've always known something was different, a bit more extreme than most. I couldn't find a way to explain it at first, I thought I simply enjoyed doing what others said because I liked being helpful.. But it was so much deeper than that. I would take direction, do exactly what someone asked of me. They'd praise me and I'd feel this.. Overwhelming sensation inside of me, I got a natural high.. Over time it grew.. I /needed/ people to control me.. I wanted that feeling. I craved it, and still do. I feel like an addict, I get shaky when I'm neglected.. I need that rush, that sense of, well security almost. I want to be owned and controlled and when it began to sexually arouse me I knew it wasn't just being helpful. Sometimes I struggle with it, I try to ignore it because it's so difficult for me to find someone who understands I need that type of bond. That their rage excites me.. Most run from such an idea. So I try to change but I simply can not. I need it.. I can't be truly happy without it. Though I dread that there simply isn't a match for me.. That I'll forever be a misunderstood wandering pet.. A pet with no owner. :/ A little reassurance could help..