Quote Originally Posted by miyu View Post
So i have gotten to dabble lightly in a few things bdsm related, and i am a switch as far as i know, but i think the reason for
this is i am terrified to relinquish 100% control. i am afraid of being hurt, and of being humiliated/thought less of. which makes
me feel much more withdrawn to simply following orders. is there a way for me to get over this fear? how do i just let myself
take a leap of faith and enjoy the ride?
That of which you speak is quite understandable in my view. I don't think the inability to remit the last measure of trust and to relinquish that last measure of control is a benchmark of submissiveness or lack thereof. Only a lunatic would be unmindful of risks that attend trusting completely and surrendering all control. Most I think do not enjoy being left to feel humiliated or suffering emotional pain when after having trusted someone unreservedly, the person disappoints and hurts them.

As far as trust goes between a dominant and submissive, it is not a gift to be bestowed by a submissive but something to be earned by the dominant. As it is earned and the bonds of trust are built, quite naturally the submissive gives up more and more control, sometimes without even being consciously aware of it. The problem I have seen is not a submissive unwilling to trust as much as she should but those who trust too much, too soon when there exists no rational basis established for it. Often this mistake is made by those who should know better because they have been hurt by other dominants before.

A child trusts easily and unconditionally, but as a person grows to maturity, the bumps and bruises along the way, the emotional hurts, the disappointments, all instruct them that trusting too easily or too soon is unwise. Naturally we carry with us the baggage of past experiences and we view new relationships through the lens of those past experiences. As time goes on, as a person a step at a time earns your trust, you will more than likely feel comfortable in surrendering more control. That is as it should be. Never give trust or control easily, make the other person earn it.