How did you get started in this lifestyle?

[denuseri]

I got my first taste of bdsm when I was fresh from high school living on my own away from my family at a nursing school. A lifestyle Gorean couple I met in a bar; I was not old enough to be in, took me home with them one night. I learned a lot from them both but as he was in the military and getting stationed off overseas made my time with them too brief. They had no formal connection to the community at large having largely only started getting kinky several years into their marriage at her suggestion. Completely self taught. Their little Gorean library was to him at the time just a collection of men's adventure novels he alone enjoyed. She apparently read some of them in her free time and was thinking at first just to spice up their relationship. I don't know what you know about Goreans and such...their are some freaks out there I've heard of and even met some, but in real life they seem to be the exception not the rule, so don't believe the hype saying all Goreans are a bunch of misogynistic rapists etc. They were very loving, he was never mean, no one got hurt. Most of the others into the philosophy side of it who also get kinky were the same.

I had vanilla boyfriends and sometimes girlfriends before them and after...none of those relationships ever did more then end in total disaster.

Took me a long time to figure out why.

Once I knew something about kink I tried turning my partners on to bdsm but it just never seemed to take after we got going. In hindsight I realized years later I had always been sexually speaking submissive but Ive noticed that a lot among submissive s in the lifestyle. I was looking for the fetish community but didn't know how to find it, I knew it existed somehow at some level...back then it wasn't the simple click or two of a mouse to find it. I struck out the first few times I looked online but then I didn't even know what a munch was or any of the seemingly elaborate codes used by community at first...so I had little recourse and I looked then into the types of clubs that I met the couple in, goth/rave venues and the like. I dragged my current gamer boyfriend around with me like a male submissive (even though he was supposed to be topping me lol). I even started going to the porn shops there in Charleston (which btw are scary and nasty looking places) just to try and find anything to read about it in their dirty book section. My poor vanilla boyfriend must of had it bad for me to put up with that for sure. Odd he didn't complain when when I was sucking his dick later in the movie booth.

Eventually I learned what a "munch" was and I had found that information online.

They had one that met in a jazz playing coffee shop ,on a Tuesday night, I couldn't make it due to work to the start time and when I did get there finally, it was long over. I was disappointed to say the least. I got angry even, I thought maybe the information I had gotten was total BS or something, the coffee shop clerk had no idea what I was talking about when I asked him if the had a munch meeting there.

I went to start drowning my sorrows at a little bar just down the street. I met my first dominant there (though I didnt even know he was in the lifestyle till a while later). He was a much older man then anyone I had ever considered dating before. He swept me right out from under the guy I was with and subtly topped me from the get go. It was like he had submissive radar or something because I had never seen him before to my knowledge, he couldn't possibly know I was looking for what I had experienced before. At best he may have saw me go and leave the coffee shop idk. We didn't even talk about sex that night. I was more then surprised at how easy he charmed me into agreeing to meet him the next day for lunch. It's in some ways where my journey down the bdsm highway really began and all the more kinky for me since I was only 19 and he was in his fifties.

I found out later he attends the munch regularly looking for new girls and occasionally extends to them if they are found suitable (after a few getting to know you dates and introductions to the other people in their group that I must say got intoxicatingly, progressively kinkier) an invitation to become one of their submissive s. Sounds predatory I know and easy to abuse, they did not recruit dominants the same way at all, and it did to me seem like I was going down a dark scary rabbit hole at first. The journey since then has had its ups and downs to be sure. But at least its almost always been a kinky one.