Hi there, this is my first forum post, and i'm a bit nervous right now.
So i'm thinking that might come through in what i write.
English is not my primary language, so forgive my sometimes poor wording. Neither can i brag of an especially high degree of education, but i do make an effort.

wheew.. here goes, i have a little problem and i mean little in comparison to the suffering and hardship of the world.

I find it extremely hard to describe, some might even find this amusing , but please believe that i am indeed serious.

I do not in any way feel ready for a relationship, nor am i inclined to practice casual sex.Not that i am any sort of prude. I tried it casual a few times in my teen years, and while i enjoy cock as much as the next straight/bi female, i would rather have it thrust hard down my throat or at least give me some dirty talk or hair pulling...and well i think i need to know the person better for these thing to "work"..hehe

I just feel like it's not fair to burden a partner with my issues ,
and by partner... i mean if lucky, future master.
It is not that i think submission a gift or precious, no disrespect if you do. I am not even sure i see it as submitting, i would ultimately just be getting what i wan't.

Can anyone please explain how to deal with these feelings?........
or if you have experience with a Dom accepting no sex and no attachment ....and me wanting to talk in person for a while before any "play"...and even then i will not be bound in any way... see my problem ...?
No it is not sub frenzy , i have craved control, sexual pain since i first found that i could orgasm from pain alone. Of course the more i freaking learned from reading the broader my tastes became.
The problem is it's just not enough doing it to my self anymore, and the type of control i wish for can not be applied by me.

I have only tried a vanilla relationship and although i cared and still care deeply for him ..it's not enough.
That is not why we are no longer together but it would have been a more pleasurable time for me if we had been more compatible. I have been single for a long period of time,as in more than a year by choice.
Yes , i do see how cliché that last bit is.
I can only assure you that i am real, and no i have not just ended that relationship and misguidedly think bdsm is the answer....and if i was interested in trolling for sex there are easier ways.
I do not have a profile picture because believe it or not i am very shy..

Please give constructive advice.
Although there are other things in life , my goal in life as simple as it may be,is to serve a master.. and anything i do is aimed ultimately at achieving that goal. Not because its called bdsm or M/s or 24/7 but because it is who i am.
mims