Can online really work?

[elizabethlemon]

I am curious to know, how many of you out there have had long term successful online relationships? I ask because, at one time many years ago I connected with someone on here and we had a great friendship. We tried the D/s online thing for a very short amount of time and when I got scared and wanted to back out he became very angry and turned into to a completely different person. He tried black mailing me and threatened to pretty much ruin my life. I promised myself I wouldn't come back here, but for those years I was gone a part of me was missing. I had no one to share these feelings with and felt lost. I am so glad that I re-joined because I feel complete again. I have met some really awesome people...and one that I think I have a connection with. I am terrified. I don't want to give into these feelings because obviously, I don't want to be burned again. Can we truly KNOW a person through chatting online? I am not sure. How many of you have had long-term successful online relationships? Any advice?

[deigja]

I went from online to beeing married to the one I did online with and I trust my sixth sense concerning the people I talk to. Nevertheless I have met such a black sheep before as well. It rattles your bones, makes you feel insecure and you no longer trust your own ability to judge a persons character..

It took me almost a year to reveal more about me than my first name to my now husband and while I always was honest with him I told him to back off whenever he asked something that could in any way reveal my Identity. When he had not pushed me for a year and been understanding and it was still a great friendship with a lot of time invested I felt more secure. we went from me taking headless photos to camming and calling and after another 6 month met r/l for the first time in a cafe directly in front of a police station, in a city neither of us lived in with me having my friend as a backup who called me several times to check in and would have sent in the cavalery if I had not answered.
For me this was lucky, but there are black sheep. Genuine contacts don´t push you. ever. and they will easily accept if there´s information you´re not comfortable giving out.
Take it slow, tell your contact what you went through and if the connection is as real as you believe he´ll be understanding. Take your time. Rather safe than sorry?
I´m glad that you´re back here and find again what you once lost. I hope for you that you´ll find your security back and that everything will be allright once again.

Feel free to pm me if you need someone to comiserate

Good luck!

Deigja

[elizabethlemon]

Thank you for the response, that is so refreshing to hear. And congrats

[jules]

I met my wonderful Dom, Chris, online, but we met in RL fairly quickly after that and now spend as much time as we can together with a view to moving in with each other. At the time I met him, ironically I was not looking, in fact, I was actually determined to stay single. I was very skeptical when I did meet with him the first time and I still can't really explain why or how I felt so comfortable with him straight away. The poor man had a bit of an uphill battle to get past my defenses earlier on in our relationship

I came out of my previous 18 month online relationship badly, having completely believed in him and trusted him. We spent hours on skype video and voice and I really thought I knew him. So much so I had bought plane tickets and taken a month off work to fly out and visit. But it ended very badly, luckily before I landed in the US, and I was extremely hurt and disillusioned and lost all confidence in my ability to trust my own judgement. It wasn't the first time on-line proved to be disastrous. Twice before I was taken in by guys who seemed genuine and didn't show any of the "obvious" red flags although the previous ones weren't as long-lasting as 18 months and whilst I was hurt at the time, I was not heart broken.

My experiences mean that there is no way I will ever contemplate an online relationship again (although I am not looking for anyone else now). Meeting online is fine, but I will always want to meet in person and at some point fairly soon into the relationship. Before I met Chris I had a few guys trying to persuade me that online would work and actually a few got rather nasty just because I insisted I was only interested in RL, and especially only someone in the same country as me.
In my experience, cynical as I now am, it appears to me that too many guys (and possibly girls) see online as some sort of role playing game and they give no consideration to the real person on the other end of the computer.

All that said, like you I have met some great people online. My best friend and the nearest thing to a sister is someone I met in the library and I am positive we will be life long friends even though we are in different countries. I adore her and we talk pretty much every day. I have kept in touch with three or four other people who I consider friends although we only know each other online.
I have also met some in here that I have now met in person and consider them to be very good friends too, one Dom especially has given me excellent advice and support for a couple of years now and it was wonderful to meet him and his sub in person and to be able to introduce him to Chris.

I know a number of people who have had online relationships, but the few that have worked out all seem to have culminated in meeting and continuing in real life. That said, there is no guarantee that meeting in real life is the answer. Like any relationship vanilla, D/s or anything else - they need work, communication and the luck to meet the right person who feels the same about you.

I wish you lots of luck in meeting someone genuine and hope things work out well for you.

x

[avi]

I know heaps of people who got involved online, assured me by high and low they had met the most amazing person, only to be heartbroken shortly (or less shortly) after. Unfortunately I'm sure most of us know lots of people in this situation, or have been there themselves.
I know 3 couples who met online at the library ad got married (and still are married). Not that marriage equals a 'happy relationship' per se, but it does at least constitute a long term commitment.
I know only 2 people who met here at the library and have a solid online relationship for about 2 years now. From the onset, they agreed to keep it online only. I'm sure there are more people out there, with successful longer term online-only relationships.
In my personal opinion, I believe 'happy online-only' is possible. I believe happy marriages are possible. Call me naive, but I even believe winning the lottery is possible.

Hoping you'll find what you're looking for.
avi

[elizabethlemon]

Thank you for sharing.

I personally, would only be interested in the online. I would never want to meet in person, my life is complicated. lol I don't know, it's probably best that I just forget about it. Because honestly after my experience I definitely think I have horrible judgement on who to trust and who not to (even IRL lol) Sometimes things are just better off left alone I guess.

[deigja]

I think if you really only want an online relationship and it´s clear from the onset that it will stay thus, you can always make an agreement with the dom to keep your identity as hidden as possible.. use a mailadress that does not give a name and that you use only for this, if you share pictures or do cam... decide for yourself if you are comfortable with showing everything or if it would be better to wear a mask...worst that can happen: you invest a lot of time and feelings and he gets nasty, your heart may be broken, you may feel bad but you just have to shut down the mailaccount/ messenger account you used with him and are free of him. If you realize a year or more into the relationship that you feel safe enough to reveal more.. you are a lot safer because most trolls don´t invest as much time and to constantly pretend to be someone else (personalitywise) over such an extended time is almost impossible as one will inevitably contradict oneself. If he comes around in the scene you could even ask if he would give you r/l references if he trusts you more than you are at the moment able to trust him, people also on the library who have actually met him.
If you feel a connection with one person tell him how you feel, take it slow but don´t be afraid to live because of a bad experience. Be overcautious, take babysteps, back of if you get any little feeling of wrongness but don´t let your black sheep rob you of the chance to make better experiences. Thats the moment he really wins
Yes, there is always the possibility of heartbreak and always the possibility to find, once again, a black sheep but sometimes you just have to dare a something to win the something.

That just wanted to get out ;-)
Deigja

[hoosakitty]

i'm not sure how to respond to this....can it work? yes. But i'm not sure i'd wish it on anyone. W/we are presently working towards three years...three years of ups, downs, happiness, heartaches, and most of all...longing. At some point, you will crave the physical. If i could give any advice at all, it would be to prepare yourself for wanting more.

[Mrs-Sett {Kuve}]

I met mi Sensei Kuve here in the library just under two years ago. As many know of us, he is US and I UK so a geographical hurdle also. We met r/l and it was right. We work at our relationship with honesty and open communication. I adore him and he I. Does it or can it work? Yes it can, we marry in August this year. I would wish everyone the same fortune and happiness as I have.

Sett

[elizabethlemon]

I met mi Sensei Kuve here in the library just under two years ago. As many know of us, he is US and I UK so a geographical hurdle also. We met r/l and it was right. We work at our relationship with honesty and open communication. I adore him and he I. Does it or can it work? Yes it can, we marry in August this year. I would wish everyone the same fortune and happiness as I have.

Sett

Wow! Congratulations!

[Snark]

Can on-line work? I depends upon what you are looking for. Your status is "married for over a decade". If you still are then r/l is a hard option unless your marriage is remarkably open. If you aren't married then, again what are you looking for? There is certainly plenty of role play without strings available. And there are plenty of temporary relationships. If you are looking for a D/s relationship that could turn into r/l, then as several have offered it is possible. And trolls pass through in both sub and Dom categories. We (sassy chikk and I) have been together for over two years o/l only (not necessarily by choice) which is about one and a half years longer than she expected. Easy? Hardly. Frustrating? Definitely. Worth it? Also definitely. Patience IS required (which is ironic because she has none.) And time is necessary because you don't have the luxury of seeing the little tell-tales that physical presence provides. You have been down one lane of that road and it wasn't a smooth nor happy result. As others have said....be careful. Take a lot of time. If he pushes too fast, ask why. If he won't slow down, ask yourself why. And why it will work. Once burned, thrice shy.

[elizabethlemon]

I don't know what I want or what I am doing here to be totally honest. lol I am married. He doesn't care what I do online.