Hello all, I am interested in learning about the motivations involved in BDSM in particular the Master and Slave aspect of it. I will admit my motivations for this inquiry are most likely quite a bit different then most, as I have no intention of engaging in the community or any specific act. The reason for my inquiry is actually due to the absolutely visceral nature in which i negatively react to the idea of being involved in a M/S relationship. I know this may seem counter intuative but I have often found trying to understand those things that I am viscerally opposed to has been a catalyst for great personal growth and acceptance. I apologize if this is not the correct place to inquire about these types of questions but my psychological research has only taken me so far and I thought it best to hear from those in the community so as to gain a better understanding of the culture and the reasons behind it. Before getting in to the meat of my questions I would like to give a little background about myself so as to give more context to my motivations. I am a MTF or (Male to Female) Trans person on the verge of starting hormones, (and to just add this as well I am not PC and I cannot stand SJW's). I was sexually and emotionally abused through most of my childhood and abandoned and disowned at the age of 18. I have been nearly homeless 4 seperate times, but have managed to work my way through completing my 4 year BA in Business Management from a high ranking State Univiersity and am currently making a decent living as a Vaulation Analyst for a real estate company. Unfortunately as a result of past trauma i suffer from severe depersonalization and PTSD as well as other comorbities at least from what my therapist says. So I am by no means a pillar of mental health but I have made a life I am proud of and for the most part happy with. The reason I bring this up is due to my curiousity with possible child hood experiences effecting our sexual attitude later in life, in my case I had not had sex until 26 but in the two years since I have been quite permiscuous in my sex behavior having 17 different partners, I am not sure if this is possibly due to prior abuse or just a high sex drive. But I was curious if there might be any correlation between BDSM and specific childhood experiences, please keep in mind this is just a supposition, and one I would love to receive any and all feedback on.

I believe that we are all the sum of all of the experiences that have occurred in our lives up the point at which we find ourselves today. The question is a legitimate question. It is so legitimate in fact, that if you search properly, you will find any number of scholarly research based articles that have appeared in peer reviewed articles on this very subject. If you are so inclined you can retrieve the articles and read them for yourself and base your conclusions on the research. I disagree with Denzark. In my 40 odd years in the lifestyle I do not think I have met a disproportionately high number of individuals who admit to or fall back on childhood abuse as they reason they engage in BDSM activities. I also do not think that a majority of these individuals use their history as the means of garnering attention or gathering some level of sympathy. I have experienced this type of behavior based on other issues and believe it to be a very small minority of the actual practitioners of BDSM. In my opinion, there is no direct evidence that a correlation exists between childhood abuse and activity in the BDSM lifestyle. Unlike Denzark, it has not been my experience that a majority of BDSM practitioners use their past history as a crutch to inject themselves into the lifestyle or as a means of gaining sympathy or acceptance. I think it is unfair at best to assume that just because someone suffered abuse at some point in their life they will use that in such a way. At worst, it uses a broad brush to paint everyone that has been abused as a manipulator.

My next question and one that should hopefully be a bit more cogent is directed more toward those on the submissive end and is perhaps the biggest question I have. I understand the want to be submissive sexually as I find being sexually controlled in a firm but respectful way to be one of the most liberating feelings in my life, and it has done wonders to heal some of the sexual damage from my childhood. But as someone who desires and works toward my individual freedoms I cannot fathom giving any control of who I am to anyone, let alone full control to someone. I understand that what I may say next may come across as somewhat vitrolic and perhaps offensive, if this is indeed the case I apologize as the following will most likely show some of the viscerality of my emotional reaction and is not meant as an attack on how people live there lives, it is merely meant to show case my current thoughts on the matter and to promote discussion and hopefully an addressal of these emotionally skewed thoughts by those who are experienced in the community.

I am a bit confused by this part of your post. You admit in the second sentence to being sexually aroused at being submissive sexually. You then question the whole concept of the D/s relationship. I think perhaps it is based in a misconception of what is really at work in a BDSM relationship as opposed to an abusive situation. The difference boils down to one concept and that is the idea of consent. Abusive relationships do not consider consent. The abuse is delivered without the consent of the party involved and is usual based in hate, fear, anger or some psychological condition. The activities in a BDSM relationship which seem, in your concept, to be abusive are in fact, consensual. Therein lies the difference. The activities are carried out in an atmosphere based on trust, respect and love. A much different atmosphere than an abusive relationship. It is this basis of trust, respect and love that define a true BDSM relationship. Again, I disagree with Densark. A 5 minute flogging between two individuals is not a BDSM relationship. It is not even BDSM. It is sensation play. If there is no emotional connection, there can be now relationship. By and large, I was taught and it has been my experience, that sensation play is rarely considered BDSM. BDSM, to those who actively participate in the lifestyle, is about much more than just the physical aspects of sex and sensation.


Now disclaimer aside I cannot for the life of me understand the idea of giving up complete agency to another person and seperately I cannot understand the concept of punishment and degradation and humiliation, this to me shows a complete lack of self respect and personal worth and is an ultimately destructive practice for the one receiving such treatment. And as someone who has had to endured unjust pain, punishment, abuse and humiliation, and has actively worked to fight back against these kind of behaviors. I emotionally find the practice of it to be self destructive idiocy from people who don't truly understand how much these type of behaviors warp and damage the person's sense of agency and sense of self worth. And if I am to be quite frank it brings out abit of my psychopathic rage that has been built up as a result of trauma. As it makes me want to smack the shit out of people who engage in this type of behavior, as internally I want to keep anyone from ever having to endure that kind of pain. Given the fact that I know I would not quantify as a qoute un qoute "normal" person I am still very interested in any response the community would be willing to give as to some of there own motivations for some of these actions, as I very much would like to gain a better understanding of the reasons behind the community and hopefully arrive at a more knowledgable and healthier of understanding of the community and its practices as a whole.

I was doing pretty well with your questions and your stance on the BDSM lifestyle until I got to this part of your post. It is, in my opinion nothing more than a rant against and a condemnation of the entire lifestyle and the people who live it. In one breath you claim to be seeking to raise your own understanding in an open and constructive fashion and then you condemn everyone in the lifestyle as being idiots. You then admit that you have considered the use of physical violence against these people. Does this not make you just as guilty as your own abusers? This very contradiction in your post undermines any credibility that you might have gained with me. I am sorry. Somehow I get the feeling that you are here to justify your own faulty beliefs and conclusions.