An age gap in D/s...

[chaostheory]

Hmmm ... let's see. "Dim dom" is also not just an urban legend. A number of my confreres strike me as delightful people who frequently lose the TV remote and are a, uhhh, a couple beers short of a six-pack. That's not to impugn their sincerity, passion, devotion or caring. They just are really good at being human.

A second thought is that committed relationships (much less love) are really hard for doms. The essence of being a dom is control, endless and unquestioned, over her. But also over yourself. The essence of being in a committed relationship is the loosening of control, the admission of doubt and vulnerability and need and longing. It's a very un-dom state. Several of my brethren seemed terrified that the slightest crack in their dom-armor would lead to the eventual unraveling of everything they'd built. Not just their relationship with, or over, the girls but also their very identities. And so they were always "on." Some held fast while being gnawed away from the inside. A few became caricatures, fleeing from any relationship that began to generate feelings and constantly finding new girls to impress. Some matured and succeeded, creating the sort of strict, loving authority that was the ideal for many Victorian men.

As to the age gap, meh. Both partners need to have a sense of humor on the matter because it's going to poke its ugly head up in a surprisingly number of ways, from texting etiquette to cultural references to chipmunk's abysmal taste in music (she thinks there was music in the 1980s, I know better). I suppose if your relationship has a DD/lg cast, that might spill over into other subjects but I don't think the whole condescension thing is primarily driven by age.

For what that's worth,

S.

Hi Solis, thank you for your comment I think I understand what you are saying. To be fair to him, I wouldn't say that I agree that he is a Dim Dom (I did have to Google that to find out what it meant, I have to admit!), because I would say that he did get our scenes right. Regarding the relationship part, we weren't ever in an actual relationship (we mutually defined it as purely D/s very quickly - but were of course friends, too, as time progressed). He also was very willing in expressing his human side and imperfections (he even told me about the fact he had therapy a number of months ago and briefly told me the issues he had been having. I never detected that he was trying to come across as perfect or one of "those" Doms. It's just that, at the same time, he seemed to want to be able to view me as inferior (as opposed to making me view him as superior), and so would avoid any acknowledgment or expression of the positive things about myself in my "real world". He was very complimentary, but only in terms of direct D/s play as opposed to my intelligence and real-world capabilities.

I'd definitely agree on that. He would frequently mention the age thing and the differences between us in terms of musical taste and experience... almost "back in my day" conversations - which, by the way, I wouldn't argue are incorrect views to hold, mind. I just don't think it is particularly strategic or pleasant to have such conversations with a younger person/sub that you are seeing. I could well have expressed oppositional views on the side of my own generation (whether or not I agree with them), and it would have been equally irrelevant and damaging to the dynamic, IMO. I viewed his perception as very myopic, and I find it hard to respect attitudes that assert that their perception is the correct one simply because it is asserted by themselves. And respect is critical from a sub to a Dom, as it is vice versa. And oh, we didn't have a DD/lg dynamic; that was actually one of my hard limits. Although durng our breaking-it-off conversation, he did admit that he does view me as a 'girl'. Which I think kind of says it all, unfortunately.