thank you all for your responses, I will cherish every word of wisdom you have to offer.

Jaded Dominant? Thank you for that link, i honestly did not see that one and hope that it is ok that i copy, pasted and printed it off.

PurpleKnight? You are right, repetition is a nothing more then banging your head against the wall. And again, you are right, i do ask questions from many different angles but i do this not to complicate things but to gain a response from someone that can take control in a 'good' way, I do this because i am making a list and i am making that list not to have something to check off but to remind me that everything is going to be ok, because it is not ok. and i do not ask hundreds of people the same question instead i may ask hundreds of questions to those few that have offered to give their advice and right now? i am counting on those answers, i need those answers because knowledge is power and i am so tired of being afraid. So i will add your responses to my list and again i sincerely thank you for your advice, opinion, and response. No matter how grumpy it may come? it is still honest and that is all that really matters.

and on a personal note: I'm still not sorry i started this thread.