Announcements from the GOP

WASHINGTON, DC - The GOP National Committee announced today that it is changing the Republican emblem from an elephant to a condom because it more clearly reflects the party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

Furthermore: It was reported today that at White House staff meeting last week there was a heated discussion about the health of Vice President Cheney and his angina problem. President Bush interrupted and stated emphatically that men do not have anginas.

The president was especially perplexed when a staffer said that Cheney has acute angina.