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I have been
instructed to write this as my case study for the files, for permanent
documentation of what has happened to me and to act as a CV for any future
‘employers’
My name is
Anita and always has been. Some of the other girls had their names changed, but
they liked mine so I’ve kept it. Looking back 9 months ‘Anita’ was a very
different person. I was living an existence. I lived in the same town I’d grown
up in; I never knew my father and my mother had died when I was 19, leaving
everything to me. We had not been wealthy but I did have a small flat to my
name and could support myself by working as a secretary. I had a few friends but an unexciting life. I
never met anyone new and didn’t go out much. I’d had a couple of bad
experiences with men in my late teenage years and since my mother had died I’d
not dated anyone. I was actually uncomfortable around men, as if they were
another species that I couldn’t relate to. I’m not beautiful so it was easy for
me to escape attention and get on with my work. It was when I was 24, 9 months back
that I got home one day and had a nervous breakdown.
I felt like
my life was meaningless, here I was, apparently in the prime of my life coming
home and going to bed at
That
evening I had vowed that I couldn’t go on like that. That I had to change
something; that I had to see someone and ask for help. I didn’t want to waste
my life. I also felt though that I was a hopeless cause and that it would take
a miracle to undo what I’d turned into. My friends seemed quite happy to be
single and didn’t seem interested in men at all, so I didn’t think that they’d
be much help. I was unsure about how to start anything and it was blind fate
that had brought me to the personal ads in the evening paper.
‘You. Yes, YOU can become a sex goddess. Treat
yourself to a personality makeover and start living now!’ - Dr Vivienne Black,
sex therapist, confidence coach and expert in seduction; welcomes ‘lost
causes!' First consultation half price!
It was like
the paper was speaking to me, I was actually shaking as I copied the number
into my diary. I had gone to bed feeling weepy but at last I had some hope.
‘How about
after work then? ‘, the lady on the phone was lovely, very gentle and easy to
talk to. My heart was pounding as I made my first appointment for that day with
Dr Black herself. She had been warm and accommodating and had said that if I
came to her clinic I could start my first session at 6.30.
I’d
finished all my work on time, said goodbye to my boss and nervously plotted a
route to where her clinic was. It was actually a bit out of the way and on the
front of an industrial estate with nothing to draw attention to itself, but it
looked clean and tidy. I’d had to check if it was the right address but then
saw a small plaque on the front door which confirmed everything.
I parked up
and knocked on the door. After only a few seconds I was greeted by the smiling
face of Dr Black, or Vivienne as she had introduced herself. She had
enthusiastically taken my hand and had a real presence about her. She looked
stunning, not that she was extraordinarily beautiful but that she was
beautifully dressed. She wore a well tailored black trouser suit with expensive
looking high-heeled boots. A flowing mass of straight black hair was combed to
perfection, lifted into a ponytail and held there with a large burgundy flower,
swaying down to the small of her back. I had been quite captivated by her even
then and remember thinking that if I could be anything like as attractive then
I would be more than happy.
First off,
she’d taken my coat and led me through to the consulting room. It looked much
more like a very expensive executive office though, plush leather chairs,
proper artwork marble flooring and stunning rugs. She stood in front of me,
holding the back of one of the chairs.
‘Come here
and sit down.’ She had smiled.
No sooner
had I sat than she was handing me a metal cup with a warm drink inside.
‘This tea
will help you to relax a little as we talk’, she had said.
‘Let me
tell you a little about what I do and then you can tell me what you want to get
out of this. My background is in psychology and neurosciences and my technique
will involve helping to change the way you think about certain aspects of
yourself, things that need to change so that you can move forward. Today I need
you to tell me about yourself and what you want to achieve. Now while you’re
doing this I need to monitor some of your body’s responses, just your heart and
skin with some sticky pads, just like when you go to hospital, it’s all
perfectly routine’
She had
then sat in her own chair and listened as I told her about my life. She’d
soothed me when I started crying and told her how unattractive I felt and how I
wanted to be a confident woman who men would find attractive.
She’d all
the while been asking me questions, what clothes would make me feel confident,
beautiful, and sexy and what would make me feel dowdy; to which I had given a
weak laugh and said my whole wardrobe. Then she asked me a lot of other
questions that she said were to help ‘map out my personality’ a little. She
asked me to imagine that I was someone else and to tell her how it felt. She
had started off with a film star but had gone on to ask much more embarrassing
things; she wanted me to imagine that I was the office flirt, then the office
slut, then I was a lap dancer with men ogling me while I writhed in front of
them for their pleasure! I was surprised to hear myself say that I would be
excited to have that attention, very excited. Dr. Black had such a kindly way
about her that I felt I could be completely honest with her. I had blushed
heavily but felt aroused nonetheless at the thought.
‘That’s
excellent, Anita”, she had said after a while, ‘I want you to relax for a
moment while I go next door’
I had
relaxed back in the chair feeling free of worries. Dr Black had closed the door
in to the next room but I could hear her talking, obviously just taking a quick
phone call. After a few moments she had returned.
‘Everything’s
going really well. Now what I need you to do is come next door. Before you do I
want you to stay beautifully relaxed, just listening to my voice still and then
just gently stand yourself up. Excellent. Now slowly come through here’
I was in a
lovely trance, I had felt warm and secure as I walked next door.
‘Lie down
on the bed over there and relax’
I did so.
‘Now Anita,
this next stage is so I can find out a little more about you. I’m going to use
a scanner to look at what happens to your brain as we talk, OK?’
I had
nodded.
‘Close your
eyes and relax into to moulded pillow’
I let my
head drop into the soft casing. There were holes for the ears so I could still
hear perfectly.
‘Well done,
now I’m going to put a little strap around your head so it stays still in the
scanner, OK?’
‘Fine’, I
replied.
I felt a
firm rubber strap over my forehead holding my head comfortably but firmly in
place.
‘Now close
your eyes. We’re going backwards now, nothing to be alarmed about’, she said as
the bed gently slid backwards a little.
‘That’s
good, now just relax and get comfy Anita’
She had
started to ask me to imagine the same things again. This time she was sat at
the bedside, close to me. I could hear her adjusting a few controls and using a
computer mouse from time to time.
She asked
me about work, people I trusted, my boss, what would happen if he asked me to bring
him coffee, to stay behind and work late, to come into his office and strip. I
answered honestly and was surprisingly not shocked by her questions, such was
her manner. I felt utterly comfortable confiding in her my most personal
secrets. Obviously the barriers had gone up at the last request, I would not
strip for my boss but I told her this matter-of-factly without any rebuke for
her asking me such intimate things.
I can’t
remember how long I had stayed on that bed being probed to the depths of my
core by Dr. Black. She had asked me in detail about my sexual fantasies; which
were along the lines of being found irresistible by some tall dark stranger at
a grand summer ball to the point where he could resist me no more and had to
take me, which he did over the desk in the study. She had plumbed my feelings
on oral and anal sex at this time too. I felt quite excited about taking him in
my mouth, but was scared of anal penetration.
She then
had asked a number of bizarre things about how I would react if a series of
increasingly unpleasant or unreasonable things were asked of me. That’s all I
could remember afterwards anyway.
The next
thing I remember was hearing,
‘Open your
eyes, Anita’
I looked up
to see the reassuring smile of Dr. Vivienne Black. She was offering me her had
so I could get up from the bed. We had walked together back into the office
next door and she had poured me some juice.
‘I can
really help you with your problems, Anita. What I think will work best for you
will be a regular set of sessions where we set goals and try some new behaviour
for you. I have to say that this will be no less than ten sessions and requires
up-front commitment and payment. Listen to what I have to say before you say
anything though.’
I was
unnerved but excited as I listened.
‘The first
thing we need to do is to get you feeling great about yourself and build up
some confidence. I propose we do this by firstly getting you a complete
makeover. New hair, make-up, clothes, shoes, the works! Again this will require
some outlay on your part’
‘That is no
problem,’ I had said, I was now for the first time feeling that things might
start to turn around with the help of this lady, ‘I have enough money set aside
for all of this. I can’t think of anything more worthwhile to spend it on.’
‘That’s
fantastic, Anita. We need to do this soon and at the same time I will work on
your behaviours so you not only look but feel like a confident, beautiful, sexy
woman. Are you free this weekend?’
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