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Blackmailing younger sister
Author: Yours master
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(Added on Nov 13, 2010)
(This month 2 readers) (Total 58674 readers) |
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15 years old blonde school girl is blackmailed by her step brother as his sex toy. He needs more than her pretty body. He needs a complete submission of his younger sister and lot more� Will she accept her life as a slave to her elder brother? She has no other choice! |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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18% |
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18% |
9% |
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27% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
your.master
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 21, 2012 |
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You can find the rest of the story on my blog: http://mybdsmworld.sensualwriter.com/
I will update the latest chapters there with some PICTURES. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
yours_slave
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 7, 2011 |
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As you are not a native English speaker, this story is great. I'm not a English speaker too. But I can understand what you are telling. Please continue writing. I appreciate your writing. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (May 7, 2011)
- Thank you yours_slave. I'm having a really difficult time uploading this story to this site. When I upload a chapter, they are not updating it. Even though they update it, they just upload the plain context and they do not care about the alignments and spaces I sent to them. I sent many mails to them saying so but I didn't get any reply from them. I was thinking about giving up the idea to continue this story but comments from people like you make me again write this story.
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| Reviewer:
sissykris
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 6, 2011 |
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It looks like a good story but REALLY (not yelling but making sure you know how strongly it needs it.) needs proof reading for grammar, when that happens I think it will be a great story and I will change my review upwards. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (May 7, 2011)
- Yes I know my grammar sucks. Thank you anyway!
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| Reviewer:
oldiexyz
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2011 |
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Hi,
the story starts quite slow and a bit boring but it increases in chapter 6 and 7, especially. Seems to become very good and there's a lot of potential. Go on!
Looking forward for the next parts or your next (similar) story! (8/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (May 4, 2011)
- Hi,
Thank you so much for taking your time to write a review for my story. I'm currently working on my latest chapter and trying my best to do it good. Thank you again. Please keep in touch.
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| Reviewer:
saxman66
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 3, 2011 |
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Hi
With regards to JimmyJump's comments there are problems with her submitting to the blackmail but there are a hell of a lot of worse stories of that sort on this site. I think you make some attempts to explain why she succumbs including her fear of her strict step-father, the fact Rex steps things up slowly, the initial demands not sounding very extreme, with her not realizing a sexual content initially and also her fear of the friend who passed her the DVD getting into trouble. However I think it could have done with a bit more development. Also if you made clear earlier that Rex suspected/knew Kathy was being excited by the situation it makes his actions a bit more likely. I know that her knickers are wet but as you mention her doing some skipping before the initial encounter that could simply be sweat from the exercise. As JJ says he’s a prick and a somewhat vicious one. He has interests in BSDM but moving, especially so quickly toward anal rape of his step-sister, is going too rapidly. Not to mention it is very likely strictly illegal given that Kathy is only 15.
Similarly you do seem to be a bit unclear on Kathy. Describing her as rather lazy and not thinking much then mentioning she already does a lot of the chores around the house and despite the actions of her brother, which no doubt disrupt her a lot she seems to keep up with her schoolwork.
It might have been better if you had expanded on the initial encounter. For instance couldn’t Kathy simply deny having the DVD? Or is there any evidence that she actually viewed it rather, possibly saying she had been passed it by a friend. I don’t know if their parents know anything about Rex’s own strong interest in the area and web work there but if not that could be embarrassing if it comes out.
I can think of a couple of things Kathy could try to at least moderate her brothers demands, although it sounds like she might not want to stop them totally. [Although just because she finds BSDM subjects exciting that doesn’t mean she actually wants to engage in the activity].
a) Get back the initial DVD. Since he has his own tapes of what he’s done to her he doesn’t need it any more and she can rightly claim she needs to return it to Yuni. It might also be worthwhile letting her know the extent of Rex’s demands and asking her advice.
b) I wonder if she could also play Rex at his own game. Get a recording of him ordering her about as something to counter his own threats. That could give her some say on what happens.
I must admit to being torn as I like such stories, especially if the female is at least partially enjoying it, but definitely feel sympathy for Kathy. As I said above there is a difference between fantasies and reality.
On the grammar and syntax there are a number of problems with some of the wording, which is only to be expected as you say yourself you’re not that good at English. One thing that bugs me is that you are using a “.” rather than a “’” in a number of cases, although I think that was mainly in the 1st chapters.
Just realized that I had missed the last chapter. That has stepped things up dramatically as Rex has both increased the sexual abuse and the humiliation by forcing her to degrade herself in front of Rodney. This could however, at least in real life, backfire on him as it exposes his activities to other people and gives Kathy a possible ally who could give her support against Rex. Definitely favouring having his power over her broken now. Especially since, while he’s talking about not raping her virginally it implies he will force her to have oral and anal intercourse.
As JJ says there are things Kathy can do and Rex could easily get into a lot of trouble himself, especially since there is now evidence that he is driving things and unlike Kathy, who is a minor he is an adult. Her best bet would be to talk to Rodney and Yuni and get their support to expose Rex. Possibly also to talk to her mother. The demands Rex are making now clearly exceed any punishment that she could face for having the DVD in the 1st place.
Sorry this has gone on so long but an interesting story.
Saxman66
(6/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Apr 3, 2011)
- Hi Saxman,
Thank you for taking your time to write such a long review. :)
I'll take your facts to the mind when I write. I'm working on the latest chapter.
- Replied by:
saxman66
(Edit) (Apr 29, 2011)
As I said in my previous message I think it was getting rather unlikely and the latest chapter is making this more so. Rodney may be a total pilock but adding his demands onto Rex's and it's far more likely that the girl would realise she needs to end things. Furthermore Rex has made a serious mistake by allowing Rodney into things and given him such power as it drastically increases the danger of his criminal activities being exposed, one way or another.
Kathy needs to expose her abusers and end things now else it won't be long before the mental rape is accompanied by physical rape. Also, given the esclating demands and the pleasure that Rex is taking in degrading her, this should be pretty clear to her. There are scenarios where a set-brother might be able to force enslavement but he actually has far too little control to do it here.
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| Reviewer:
rocket71
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 19, 2010 |
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Great story, hope there is more to come. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Dec 21, 2010)
- Thank you very much for your words! I was about to give up writing because I didn't get many enthusiastic emails from users even-though there are lot of readers! But your words and vote helped me a lot and now I'm writing the story again. Please keep in touch with me as I'm not a native English speaker and this is my very 1st story. Thank again!
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 27, 2010 |
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I can understand that someone would want to write. What I don't understand is why people keep treating their subject without giving it any form of thought.
"Let's do a blackmail story" can be a good idea, but only when the result of the blackmail doesn't outweigh the result of the facts getting out.
It's silly to have a girl accept a supposedly years-long submission to her sibling, instead of accepting a severe but limited reprimande from her father.
Example: seeing a girl steal a candybar from the local grocery shop isn't enough to blackmail the girl into lifelong slavery, because her theft getting exposed and the consequences of that theft are far milder than the result of giving in to the blackmail. So, the story won't work.
"Blackmailing Younger Sister" doesn't work.
That Rex wants his sister to become his submissive doesn't work, because there's no history. Why would a brother ask such a thing from his sister? Why the blackmail?
Instead of painting a clear picture, the story becomes the more murky as we get along.
That Rex is a little prick and Kathy is a pushover, are the only things that stuck.
The dialogue is good, but the rest drowns in trivialities and half explained musings. Not enough to make this text into a story.
Anne Desclos would turn in her grave, knowing that her book was used to instigate such a silly blackmail.
There's a decent story in here, but it needs improvement. A lot.
JJ
(5/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Nov 27, 2010)
- I added some blackmailing stuffs later on. It's under review. Anyway Thanks for taking your time to send a review. I'll take that in mind when I'm writing my 2nd story. I have already added some more blackmail parts into the story. I know that what I have mentioned is not practical to blackmail a sister.
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| Reviewer:
CarolinaSpanker
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 23, 2010 |
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I would suggest a hard hairbrush spanking making use of her own wood backed hairbrush, so everytime she uses it from that day on she will remembember the blood blistering her ass took for disobeying!and she could fart in her humiliation during the later part of of the punishing spanking. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Nov 24, 2010)
- Hi,
Thank you very much for your sugesstion. I will add the hair brush spanking. I already added some spanking session and uploaded the new chapters to the site. I think they are reviewing it now. They will update the story as soon as they finish reviewing. Thank you again!
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| Reviewer:
Talk2Me
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 17, 2010 |
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I personally liked it. Yeah there were a few grammar mistakes but what ever. I just want to know where's the rest.? (7/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Nov 18, 2010)
- Thank you. As I'm not a very good at English, there may be a few grammer mistakes. Sorry for that. I have already uploaded some new chapters. I think the administrators are reviewing those now. They will upload it in near future after they review it. As, this is my very 1st story, it's a really big help that you appreciate my story. Thank you again. Please keep in touch with me.
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2010 |
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The stoty doesn't convey the young girl's feelings evry well, and is fragmented by being several chapters seemingly thrown together, but it has promise.
Sort your formatting, double line space between paragraphs, some are four lines and some chunks of text lack the paragraphs which would make them readable and then it could be a 7/10
Its not a great subject for mass appeal but get her emotions sorted, she might be scared or excited or both and it could be a good tale. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Nov 18, 2010)
- Thank you for your comment Littmann. I'll try to express her feeling well in up coming chapters. Thank you again. Keep in touch.
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| Reviewer:
subalo
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2010 |
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I would commend the basic story line, the grammar/word choice and usage is hard for me to handle. Try getting a native English speaking person to edit your work and you would have MUCH better stories. (3/10)
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- Replied by:
your.master
(Edit) (Nov 15, 2010)
- Thank you very much for taking time to send me a review. I'll try my best to correct the grammar and use the words. Thank you again!
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