Testimony of Shiu Lin, Female, 24

 

 

 

In the hospital my friend showed me the burn marks about her mouth, nipples, and genitals. She whispered she was sorry she had named me. But I forgave her, because under torture one will say anything. I knew I would be arrested as soon as I returned home. I resolved to accept the hard times to come with dignity and fortitude, according to our teachings. Nor did I deny, then or now, that I was indeed a member of the so-called "evil cult."

         

At the police station my interrogator immediately stripped me naked. They say arrestees may have secret messages taped to their bodies. Or, especially in the case of women, inside them. My interviewer lingered long over my bare skin, probing me with insolent fingers, hoping to provoke resistance, teasing me with comments about the involuntary responses of my body. I did not reveal to him the humiliation I felt, nor the anger. I gave him no reason to beat me or touch his fiery baton to my sensitive parts. Thus I denied him his favorite sport. Such cruel men often join the police. And our State happily employs them.

         

I was denied clothes the rest of the day and night. Smirking guards came by my cell and forced me to stand for inspection. Upon their orders, I assumed embarrassing positions and spoke the dirty words they demanded. This excited them further and they asked certain naughty favors from me, their hands on their electric batons. I complied fully.

 

The next morning I was given only a thin smock to cover my nakedness. Outside the prison was a cattle truck with slatted sides waiting to take me away. It was open to the sky. There were three other young women similarly dressed. We were loaded up, chained together at the ankles.

 

There were two guards and a driver. One guard always sat in back with us.

His strange sense of humor was always at our expense. After some hours, we stopped. We lined up roadside in our chains and watched as the men unzipped and watered the ground.

 

"That's how it's done, ladies. Now let's see you do it." They were laughing.

 

It is hard for a woman to do standing up, even more embarrassing to squat. But I took opportunity when offered, not knowing when it might come again. Li Li, a foolish girl not yet 20 years of age, complained. A village man was approaching on a bicycle, and she did not want him to see her private parts. The guards responded by pulling her smock entirely off. They said they would whip her if she did not pee. The bicyclist stopped and joked with the guards as she faced him and blushingly wet the dust.

                   

Then the villager left and suddenly the guards were no longer laughing. They looked differently at Li Li. One dragged her naked and crying into the cab of the truck while the other loaded we three into the rear. Twenty minutes later, the guards exchanged places. Then the driver took his turn.

 

We drove for two days. When it rained, we could do nothing but shiver and open our mouths. Finally we arrived at the re-education camp.

 

We were taken immediately to the office of superintendent Wu. Our chains and smocks were removed and we stood at attention, chests thrust out. Li Li immediately started to complain about guard rape. Wu seemed very surprised. He made a gesture, and Li Li was dragged into the adjoining room. Soon we heard her screaming and begging for mercy, offering her body to them. Then the screams ended. We never saw her again.

 

Wu explained the only two rules. Always obey a guard. Never speak.

 

We worked long hours every day, making goods for export to Hong Kong.

There they would be certified as not being made with slave labor so they could legally go to the United States. Children abroad would play with toys once smeared with tears and blood.

 

The food was very bad and very scarce. There was no way to get clean. After a while I could not smell myself, but I knew I stank, for all the others did. I lost weight rapidly at first, then more slowly. Soon nothing was real to me but hunger.

 

Some women who had been there a long time had swollen bellies and thinning hair. It was due to lack of protein. Others did not suffer quite as much. These were the prettier ones the guards would sometimes lead away.

The guards would look happy when they brought them back. I came to understand that these women pleased men with their mouths so as to get a small protein drink. One does what one must do to survive. In time I came to envy them, but I was not pretty or young enough to be chosen.

 

One day I was in the toilets, which were only a series of squat-holes in the floor, with no privacy. One of the guards that were always watching approached me as I was doing my business. I kept my eyes down, as we had been taught.

 

"Come with me. You will take a shower."

 

I was filled with joy, as my skin itched everywhere. My hair was matted.

 

I drew off my smock outside the cubicle, but kept it in my hand, hoping to wash it. By then being naked in front of a guard did not bother me. I stepped inside and turned on the warm water. Then I was surprised. The guard, naked, was joining me. My eyes were still cast down, so I could see what he had in mind. He applied soap to those parts of mine an excited man most wants to touch. Twice I brought soapsuds from between my legs to my hair, and twice he replaced them. When my smock and I were well washed, he brought my soapy hands forward to caress his hardness. Then he pressed me against the wall and entered. Fortunately the soap provided lubrication, for I had none to give, nor did I take pleasure. I had been hungry too long to think of sex.

 

Yet it was worth it to be clean. I must have pleased the guard, because two days later he came to me again and led me to a private room. A mattress lay on the floor. He reached into his pocket and brought out something wrapped in greasy newspaper. It was a fried chicken leg, and it was for me!

 

Nothing in the world existed but that leg, and when I had gnawed it clean, I broke it open and sucked out the marrow, licked my fingers, licked the newspaper, tried to eat the bone itself. Then I gave a sigh and drew off my smock, lay down, opened my legs.

 

This time he was in no hurry. He had to caress me a long time before my wetness finally came. It had been so long since I spoke that my voice sounded strange when I invited him inside. As he took his pleasure, so did I.

 

Now for some weeks we followed this same pattern. He could have had me for free. Instead he chose to engage my heart by bringing me food. And as my body became stronger, so did my desire. I know now he saved my life.

 

Often workers were taken from the workroom floor to a room where a man harangued us. We were supposed to renounce the antisocial cult. If they felt we were sincere, we would be shipped home. But I could not do it, though sometimes my lover would whisper to me while I lay in his arms.

 

"Do it! What does it matter? They may suspect you are lying, but they want to look good to their superiors. And they need to show that a certain number each month have renounced."

 

But I would not. Yet I was released. If papers exist showing that I renounced, they are forged.

 

I think Li Li died the day we arrived, and I saw many others die of starvation, of disease, of whippings and beatings, of electroshock. I have not given the name of my lover, to protect him. But I offer this testimony, which will be smuggled out of the country, in honor of the many thousands who have suffered and died in the camps.

 

All were innocent of any harm to the state. Some day we will be free.

Then our testimonies will turn against our accusers, and they will be brought to justice. This I swear.