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For my Sir...every day you show me a deeper love, a richer understanding...you make me feel beautiful and special, and i want the world to know how important you are to me.


This is my world…
Bonds forged of words
Fetters made of emotion
Pleasures made from hurts
That only the mind can see

And in this world
I found the quintessence of bliss
Passions that smolder dark
And a love that burns hotter
Than fiery ...

One more brick to go, the mortar is loose, push hard.....I'm holding on...clinging tight...fingernails grasping the crumbling cement. Waves of past hurt ebb and flow, visions of smiles,words of re assurance., let me drop to my knees.....blur my vision of others unrequited love for you, .....................hold my hair, the gentle force of you ....weaken my defence, let me mould onto you..my lips, tight, surround your power. Hold me there, swallowing deep, feeling you warm me......finally reality, ...

I felt it for real....you felt it in your mind.
I tasted him as he did me....you licked your lips pretending.
I heard his words....you only read them.
I see the marks.....you merely wished for them.
I held him in my arms....you only hoped.
I awoke to him.....you only dreamt of him.
I have him......you never did.
I am his desire.....you were a fill in.
I am his need....you were a toy.
I am his love....you were his amusement.
We ...

Breathing…it’s all about breathing
And waiting…waiting for his word and his truth
The trust…the promise
The spoken totem he has given me for my peace.
I shall not falter, shall not waver from my direction
Happiness is mine
He gave it to me, and he will not take it back.
I will simply wait, and just...keep...
Breathing

thank you,
for reminding me
and for showing me
for bringing back the cold.


its better this way
if i’m in ice i can’t feel
if i’m frozen
i can’t cry


if i’m numb,
i can’t move to hold you
and find nothing is there
but empty dead air

My mind turns in circles with thoughts of you…around…around…Fingers and lips, hands and tongues, touches and teeth…Wrapped in your ropes, and your love…again…again…Taken to that place…that world…where only you and i exist.

I find myself pleading…begging…for what, i don’t know…more? less? release?…or maybe absolution…whatever it is, i need it more than air!

And there is only you…your voice in my ear…your place in my heart…and your ropes, binding my soul in helpless need. ...

Choice…i get it

Not the Choice to fall in love or to hate
Not the Choice to build or destroy trust
Not the Choice to be passionate or cold

…but the Choice that we made, so long ago
to become what we are, and to define the intricacies of our survival

Of all the things you’ve taught me, all the lessons learned and unlearned,
the condition of Choice is the one that has affected me deepest.
Choice has defined who i am, ...

How could i possibly describe you? Comparable to a dusty bottle of scotch, strong and mellow…or, a sweet cigar whose smoke swirls and clings about my head. Or maybe a drug… pure, potent, driving through my veins, taking me to those dark and desperate places.

You are all these things

Powerful, addicting…enticingly dangerous…like standing in an open field during a summer storm....or sleeping in the woods without a fire, swallowed by the noisy dark

And here ...

Contentment…

I can feel it searching for me…sending out its smoky tendrils of peace to tickle along my body…making its way across my skin, following the path your kisses made moments earlier, until it finds my lips. Resting there quietly…waiting…and i inhale…

Today, i will remain content…touched, loved…with dreams to ponder and hope to cling to.

I will not consider happiness…not yet. Contentment is my new treasure, and i will keep it close.
...

Punished for you

When i was being punished for you,
my body danced in its restrains.
When i was being punished for you,
the singletail danced on my bare breasts.
When i was being punished for you,
painted wolf packs danced in the woodland,
vulture squads danced in the air,
half naked black giants danced with chain whips,

and my saliva was flowing down on my chin,
and my blood was flowing down on my pelvis,
and ...