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Are you ok?....are you ok? …..
No, HELL no, I’m not ok!
Everything he did, the torments he eased, the insanity he made sane,
the confusion he turned to sense…crumbling around me
Gone, gone, and more gone
And I can’t get it back!

I’m not ok…I’m not…

Your punishment of silence and harsh words is over. The time you gave me for reflection was time spent well. Tears, hurt, physical sickness. I understand now.....my torture was your torture....necessary for both of us to grow stronger. I doubted your reasons as to my pain...again, you were right. I never should have questioned this..... I thought I had given you my everything.....but you found more within me. Now I just want to accept that you are here to guide me, teach me, take me......show me ...

Reasons u shouldn’t want me:

I’m a terrible sub, I believe myself equal as I adore you from my knees
I have too many opinions, and express them often
I have a mind of my own…you can seduce it, but not control it
I cry way too much…one big bouncing ball of emotion
I will count on you to be there, every single time
I will fill your email with poetry and sentiments
When consumed by the power of your passion, I may scream out your given name ...

How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness everywhere!

~William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XCVII"

I’m cold without him…frozen inside. Others reach out to me with warmth
and kindness, but the iciness of his absence persists. A tense, cold ball of
longing in my belly.

I know he has no control over ...

"The sexiest thing in the world is whatever is going to happen next, when the only thing you know about it, is that there is nothing you can do about it."
~unknown

…restrained…tied…blindfolded…hair pulled so tight I can feel it growing by inches….
Somewhere in the background I hear the music to These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things……………..

You whipped me well..too well. These marks , deep..to the bone. Not enjoyable...not deserved. Inflicted in anger, the cardinal rule broken. Left to heal on my own, no compassion, no care. The marks will fade..the memory wont. The control I admired in you.....gone. What happened?.....Why?

...Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or Bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

~ William Shakespeare

The tempest hasn’t come yet…only mild storms blowing us steadily closer. But I can see it looming, dark and foreboding on the horizon, like ...

Sometimes your best just isnt enough......
Sometimes you just have to realise that you cant change peoples minds.....
Sometimes you just cant do it anymore....
Sometimes you have to believe it wasnt your fault.....
Sometimes you need to stop trying so hard....
Sometimes you are allowed to stop allowing yourself to hurt....
Sometimes the accuser will realize they were wrong......
Sometimes its too late......
Sometimes our own anger clouds our ...

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
- M. Kathleen Casey


Isn’t it amazing how we can start at rapture, and plunge to ashes, broken and bleeding… not knowing what the hell hit us, or if we can get back up. That proverbial punch in the gut that gets us every time.

The difference this time was that I knew it was coming…knew I should be prepared…
And it didn’t make a bit of difference.

So here I am once again brought to my knees…wallowing ...

The craving that has been burning deep inside for months for the words to become reality is now so intense that I start to wonder if they will measure up. My fears of failure swell inside, the doubt of self worth bubble to the surface, the tribulation in my mind of not being able to be all that is expected. Time has been cruel to us.....yet has allowed us to bear our souls to one another behind the safety of a screen. Emotions have been spilled, desires and needs unravelled, love and anger expressed. ...