hoosakitty

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

A week of decisions…choices…life changing, terrible, wonderful….heart-wrenching and fulfilling…a gamut of emotions both building up and destroying those around me. Thank you, vicmal, for your wall…you reminded me that this insanity is not just my own. Thank you for those who have held me up, nurtured me, loved me even when i could not return their ardor.

I will trust that ...

Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.
~ Nicholas Evans

Surrender…what an erotic word. But it has two sides…a double edged sword perhaps. When the sub surrenders themself so completely as to lose themself…how do they get it all back? How the hell do you get ...

“My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.”
~Shakespeare

Why is it that anger is always the end result of hurt? And then I say things that make everything hurt worse. And then I do things that make it all so permanent…

Too late now. Whatever happened to that option where you could take back the email?

I’m sorry…it was my weakness…that condition of a sub left to her own decisions…the limbo created by ...

Are you ok?....are you ok? …..
No, HELL no, I’m not ok!
Everything he did, the torments he eased, the insanity he made sane,
the confusion he turned to sense…crumbling around me
Gone, gone, and more gone
And I can’t get it back!

I’m not ok…I’m not…

Reasons u shouldn’t want me:

I’m a terrible sub, I believe myself equal as I adore you from my knees
I have too many opinions, and express them often
I have a mind of my own…you can seduce it, but not control it
I cry way too much…one big bouncing ball of emotion
I will count on you to be there, every single time
I will fill your email with poetry and sentiments
When consumed by the power of your passion, I may scream out your given name ...

How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness everywhere!

~William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XCVII"

I’m cold without him…frozen inside. Others reach out to me with warmth
and kindness, but the iciness of his absence persists. A tense, cold ball of
longing in my belly.

I know he has no control over ...

"The sexiest thing in the world is whatever is going to happen next, when the only thing you know about it, is that there is nothing you can do about it."
~unknown

…restrained…tied…blindfolded…hair pulled so tight I can feel it growing by inches….
Somewhere in the background I hear the music to These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things……………..

...Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or Bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

~ William Shakespeare

The tempest hasn’t come yet…only mild storms blowing us steadily closer. But I can see it looming, dark and foreboding on the horizon, like ...

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
- M. Kathleen Casey


Isn’t it amazing how we can start at rapture, and plunge to ashes, broken and bleeding… not knowing what the hell hit us, or if we can get back up. That proverbial punch in the gut that gets us every time.

The difference this time was that I knew it was coming…knew I should be prepared…
And it didn’t make a bit of difference.

So here I am once again brought to my knees…wallowing ...

‎"Absence from the person you love is only healthy in theory."
~ Greg Evans

I hate missing him….HATE IT!
That “distance makes the heart grow fonder” crap? HATE IT too!

I need him here…home…NOW…tangible…his fingers threaded through my hair, demanding and coaxing from me his every need and desire. His urgent whispers, the euphoria of final surrender reflected in his deep blue eyes…I need it all…now…

Damn this distance
...