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I am reminded of who i am today........scary to have my own words come back and haunt me.

knowing the answers.......knowing them......doesn't make the knowledge any less bitter......

It is so much better to .....be the light....and have the world bask in its warmth.......then to dare look upon it myself..........

i can not even describe how sad i am right now...

the program we watched.....listening to the reasons......and the tears welling.....and holding them back....the cry of pain and anger.....choking in my throat........


the this morning...

the dammed if you do or dont options i have right now..

i may not hang up...because that is wrong

and i may not talk..because that is wrong as well......

i do not have the right to feel this way........

i do not have the right to these tears......


and that...deepens the sadness even more.........

to the silent depts
chained and moored
once again
my home

Sometimes we can search a lifetime for that special someone to come into our lives.

The day that you came into my life was a dream come true for me. No matter how often i said to myself to be cautious, my heart said something completely different. We tried to take it slow but in getting to know each other O/our desire for one another took over. i was very insecure and you tried your best to always reassure me. Your patience, understanding and determination shone through. i was truly ...

Reasons why i love you Master.......

1) You are simply irresistible.
2) You never give up on me.
3) You bring out the best in me.
4) You are the one who holds the key to my heart.
5) Your love gives me the feeling that the best is yet to come.
6) Your patience and understanding overwhelms me.
7) You make me feel like i have never felt before.
8) W/we are a perfect match.
9) Thinking of you fills me with a wonderful feeling. ...

my loving Master,

It is hard to believe that W/we have been together a year already. How time flies ~smiles~.
It has been a most wonderful journey so far. You have taught me so much over the course of this year and continue to teach me each and every day.
You are always so patient and understanding. You have brought so much joy into my life. i thank you for that Master.

i always knew something was missing from my life. For so many years i fantasized ...

*An older writing of mine that has recently taken on new meaning, and so, it is here as a reminder*

I used to struggle, fighting off sadness or trying not to be anxious, but as most of us learn, once that drop of melancholy or unrest beads upon the heart, trying to feel anything else is denial. Once the mind, like a long guitar string is plucked with even the slightest agitation, there is nothing to do but let it ring out.

We all know of tears that turn to laughter. ...

Every 3-6 months I stumble across a profile on another site that I freeze when trying to write to. By most accounts, there isn’t anything remarkable about these profiles. In fact, most would probably consider them positively banal. They are never vulgar, rarely explicit, and frequently almost chaste in style. However, there is something in them which resonates strongly, an unspoken message which permeates through their words. They are almost always independent, confident (at least outwardly), educated, ...

The rain today is perfect. It is a slow heavy rain, a cleansing rain with the rumble of distant thunder. Today marked what will quite likely be the start of a major transition, away from the recent frustrations and towards a much more appropriate future.

If today was to be interpretive, the rain would represent both the washing away of the recent past, and with the thunder, the rumble of future upheaval. Yet the storm comes without rushing winds, without the frenzied lightning of ...