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  1. I Am Still Here

    Just to lay some questions and fears to rest, I have not left the library and I have not simply disappeared.

    In a previous blog I spoke of redirecting and refocusing my energies and my goals. That is what I have been doing.

    More than anything, I have been writing. I set a goal to spend at least 4 hours each day at some writing goal or project. I have mostly been able to meet this goal. I have several new projects in place as well as the old projects that are ...
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  2. Refocusing and redirecting

    Over the past few days I have taken at close look at my goals. I have not been happy at all with the way I have been focusing my energies and attentions. So, I have decided that I need to refocus and then redirect my energies and my attentions so that they better reflect where my true desires are.

    What does this mean. Basically it means that I have identified three basic areas of my life where I need to direct the majority of my time, my energy and my attention. This means less ...
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  3. Have you?

    Have you ever been in a place where you can see happiness just out of reach; just out of your grasp yet so close you could see it, smell it, perhaps even taste it. So close that you can physically feel the need to be where you cannot go. A situation that makes you so miserable that you become willing to do anything short of something illegal to make it possible; to have what you want. A yearning so intense that it pervades every waking minute of everyday. A need so deep that every breath ...
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  4. Where I am in this Life

    In a previous post I declared that I do not want to get old. That remains true.

    It then occurred to me that I needed to take a look at where I am in both my life and my station in the BDSM lifestyle.

    This requires a bit of background.

    I was introduced into the lifestyle almost by accident. I was a 20 something, young stud in a university town, who was living life large. I was typical. Parties, clubs, etc. etc. This was in the middle 70's, the ...
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  5. I will NOT get old!

    I have come to a conclusion.

    I don't want to get old.

    Now, I understand the realities of life. Aging cannot be halted. But there is a distinct difference between aging and getting old.

    I have spent the better part of the last week in Florida on personal business. I have spent most of that time in one of the thousands of planned retirement communities in and around central Florida. Beautiful place. Landscaped, groomed and immaculately kept. All the ...
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  6. the {} tag and what it really means. . . or. . we are in this relationship now what?

    I recently was asked by a new member on the forums what the implications of the {} tags were that are seen on some peoples user names. I started to give the short usual answer that comes to mind that it is a sign that they two are involved in some kind of D/S relationship. Then I thought better of it. I am constantly railing against those who make to light of the seriousness of online relationships so I decided that I should examine my own princiles and attitudes toward these connections that ...
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  7. BDSM Test Results

    == Results from BDSM test: What kind of sexual deviant are you? ==
    99% Dominant
    98% Rigger
    97% Master/Mistress
    96% Voyeur
    96% Owner
    95% Daddy/Mommy
    95% Brat Tamer
    88% Degrader
    87% Sadist
    84% Primal (Hunter)
    69% Exhibitionist
    63% Experimentalist
    40% Ageplayer
    34% Non-monogamist
    12% Vanilla
    9% Masochist
    2% Pet
    2% Brat
    2% Rope Bunny
    2% Girl/Boy ...
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  8. The Darkness Within

    Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. - Terry Pratchett

    and thus is my soul. No matter where the light tries to go, the darkness is there, ready to swallow it. The darkness can wait. The darkness is patient. The darkness needs no outside sustenance or support. It just is. Forever, eternal, ever present.

    The darkness is insidious. ...
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  9. On Change

    Change is extant in the universe. Nothing is static. Everything moves and is in constant motion. So to is life.

    Looking back, it is easy to see the change as we move through the passing years. Some signs are more obvious than others. The change in physical appearance. In my case, the greying of hair and the deepening of lines. Some are more subtle and more personal. Take for instance the changes that occur in ones' outlook and expectations.

    As a young man I ...
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  10. The Trials of Abby

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDeSade View Post
    The trials of Abby

    Overview.

    Characters

    Male Dominant/Sadist (Stephen) {TheDeSade} 50 something 6' tall slim, fit and well manicured. Lives alone in a huge estate outside of town, remote to everyone and everything. Not much is known of him in town except that he is apparently well off and spends a lot of time out of town and presumably out of the country. He keeps a small staff at the house consisting of an assistant, a secretary and several other men
    ...
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