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  1. I will NOT get old!

    I have come to a conclusion.

    I don't want to get old.

    Now, I understand the realities of life. Aging cannot be halted. But there is a distinct difference between aging and getting old.

    I have spent the better part of the last week in Florida on personal business. I have spent most of that time in one of the thousands of planned retirement communities in and around central Florida. Beautiful place. Landscaped, groomed and immaculately kept. All the ...
  2. more memories

    More memories…specifically of this summer when so much changed. You telling me about your fishing trips…sending me silly cat pics when I was completely stressed. Encouraging me in my plans….all the selflessness that defined you. Even in your final message to me…telling me not to be sad and to never regret…that you didn’t want to be forgotten.

    As if I could ever forget you.

    I realized what a journey it was…beginning with passionate obsession that flamed, and ending ...
  3. the {} tag and what it really means. . . or. . we are in this relationship now what?

    I recently was asked by a new member on the forums what the implications of the {} tags were that are seen on some peoples user names. I started to give the short usual answer that comes to mind that it is a sign that they two are involved in some kind of D/S relationship. Then I thought better of it. I am constantly railing against those who make to light of the seriousness of online relationships so I decided that I should examine my own princiles and attitudes toward these connections that ...
  4. the note

    i was looking through memories today and found a note you sent me several years ago. All we went through…all the changes, good and bad. It hurt to read the words, but the smile came anyway. You encouraged me, mentored me…took care of me through so many things. Most of all you loved me, and i don’t think i appreciated you nearly enough. You always thought i was crazy to save all our words and conversations…but i think now you might understand. They are not all i have of you…your gifts through the ...
  5. BDSM Test Results

    == Results from BDSM test: What kind of sexual deviant are you? ==
    99% Dominant
    98% Rigger
    97% Master/Mistress
    96% Voyeur
    96% Owner
    95% Daddy/Mommy
    95% Brat Tamer
    88% Degrader
    87% Sadist
    84% Primal (Hunter)
    69% Exhibitionist
    63% Experimentalist
    40% Ageplayer
    34% Non-monogamist
    12% Vanilla
    9% Masochist
    2% Pet
    2% Brat
    2% Rope Bunny
    2% Girl/Boy ...
  6. The Darkness Within

    Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. - Terry Pratchett

    and thus is my soul. No matter where the light tries to go, the darkness is there, ready to swallow it. The darkness can wait. The darkness is patient. The darkness needs no outside sustenance or support. It just is. Forever, eternal, ever present.

    The darkness is insidious. ...
  7. Roses

    Now you lay in the roses…this is fitting. Beauty and thorns together describe you perfectly. I refuse to consider you gone…you and I were too close for me to even consider harboring such thoughts. I will continue on as if you were still here…because you are. You told me that you didn’t want me to be sad…so I won’t…because you are not gone. I will ramble and quote you in nonsensical prose…because you will read it. I will NOT water those roses with my tears….because you cannot possibly be there.
  8. Some things...

    Some things you can’t be prepared for. Some things sneak into your life and rip your heart right out of your chest before you even know it’s there. Some things are unfair and hurt you in places you didn’t even know you had. Love…Death…they have become synonymous. More than words, they are the wailings of the soul and the substance of tears. These words…these elements…tear through our lives, only to leave us behind with sweet memories and emptiness. Neither can they be contained in one body, but ...
  9. On Change

    Change is extant in the universe. Nothing is static. Everything moves and is in constant motion. So to is life.

    Looking back, it is easy to see the change as we move through the passing years. Some signs are more obvious than others. The change in physical appearance. In my case, the greying of hair and the deepening of lines. Some are more subtle and more personal. Take for instance the changes that occur in ones' outlook and expectations.

    As a young man I ...
  10. The Trials of Abby

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDeSade View Post
    The trials of Abby



    Male Dominant/Sadist (Stephen) {TheDeSade} 50 something 6' tall slim, fit and well manicured. Lives alone in a huge estate outside of town, remote to everyone and everything. Not much is known of him in town except that he is apparently well off and spends a lot of time out of town and presumably out of the country. He keeps a small staff at the house consisting of an assistant, a secretary and several other men
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