nervous49

To say I was drawn to it against my will obviously isn't true as I've probably been some kind of closet sub all my life. On the surface everything was vanilla but underneath there were too many questions that needed answers and I didn't have them.
It's helped coming on to this site and realising what a friendly commmunity you have here and, you never know maybe I'll find some of those answers here.
I'm now in my fifties and while there have been many relationships the only two that stand out are ones where I didn't have control. Although nothing extreme they did involve bondage,mild sm, panties and, in one, non-consent and I've got to admit I enjoyed every minute.
Whether I'll ever be in such a relationship again, I don't know. The important thing for me, right now, is just to finally admit to myself that I am submissive and it's not because I'm weak or lack courage. It's because I choose to be. Everyone expects me to be in control and, for the most part, it's an easy role but I've got to admit there is a definitely exciting buzz when someone takes that control from you.
Well I suppose I'll leave it at that for now and possibly delve deeper next time.
Wishing everyone the best whatever they're doing(?).
Nervous49.