sunshine
Registered User

My Sunshine, my dearest Misty.....today is the day. 6 hours from now, I will embark on the journey of my lifetime. Dramatic, yes, true...yes. However, the journey of my life has been ongoing and you are a brief, but important part of my story. Thank you for teaching to me in undeniable ways that I am worthy of love. Your love has taught me that I am a good person, that I can be and should be loved and happy in my life. You gave me the inner faith in knowing this lesson. I am just sorry that the cost of learning this lesson was your life. I cherish the gift that you gave me, I honor the memory of you and I have hope in an illogical way that someday that I might see you and hold you in my arms. My heart can love many. There is room for everyone who has touched my soul. No jealousy. I know that you would be happy for me. You would still want me to let you go and forget you, but that is just silly talk. It has been 10 years and I still faithfully come here to talk to you. You are forever apart of me. Thank you Misty for all that you were and all that you still mean to me. If you can hear me, I love you....I miss you and you are remembered. Be happy for me on this special day that is one more step in the journey that is my life.

The time is coming for me. Not that all that much is going to change for me in a week and a half. I will be married...I will look into the eyes of my wife and smile knowing that I have her love. That it is a constant love that is kind and gentle, filled with silly moments that make both of us laugh. I think that what I did not realize is that in the focus of THIS...it got in the way of creating the intimacy. So much time spent on the doing of things, the toys, the fantasy....yet, that focus blinded me to the emotion of intimacy. Now that said, the PASSION that THIS is...well, intoxicating on a level that is difficult to compare. I think that is where you come in Misty. You will always be the object of my desire, that thing that I can never have, that is just beyond my grasp, yet has the promise of so much. You are love...unconditional. You are devotion. You are my love....you are not ever to be forgotten. My grief is gone and the sadness still lingers because it is the passing of a dream....a twisted and beautiful dream. I close my eyes and hope to dream about you. Yet, as in life, you are so elusive to me my dear....

My Sunshine...I am going to be married in a month's time and I am grateful to have another chance at love. I am grateful that I found someone who shows me all the colors of the rainbow that this world offers. She is the paint brush that splashes the grey away from my existence. With her, I always feel loved and appreciated. I am no longer feeling alone in this world. That said, the sex is vanilla, but the trade off is that the emotional intimacy that I have discovered is unlike anything I have experienced before. Still, my thoughts and passions always returned to you. The promise of what we could have been does haunt me. The fiery passion of desire and longing.....you are the promise of everything sexually that I could hope for and you scared me because of what you offered me. If it was not for you, I am not sure that I would be where I am today. Because of you, I can cry....because of you, I knew that I was someone who was loveable and deserving of love. Your gift was to love me so completely. Having that gift of your trust and love forever dispelled the notion that I was not worthy of love. You gave me the chance to live and believe in love....that it was something that I could have and enjoy. God I miss hearing your voice and making you laugh. I really wish we could have held each other and fucked like mad little bunnies.....I still love you and I can never forget you. Please know that you are remembered and that you are always in my thoughts. Love Tony

Happy Birthday my Sunshine....10 yrs has gone by. You will forever remain yrs old while I am turning 51 this year. Love you.....I remember you...always. You will never be forgotten.

My Sunshine....I have learned something strange and it is annoyingly wonderful. I used to daydream of all the kinky things that we could do if we had met. My mind raced about the toys that I would use on you...the restrains that I would have to hold you. I imagined what the sound of your cries would be like. Then I discovered that the best sex is the most boring sex...two people looking into each other's eyes...feeling a warmth and care for the other person. The slow moment of hips...the intensity of searching the other person's eyes for that look...that look of tenderness. I used to love all of THIS....this place and the promise of an intensity of sex. What I have found is the soft, squishy emotion of love. Who knew that all those years of focusing on the instruments of THIS and sex would just distract me from finding my feelings and discovering a different type of love. Don't get me wrong, I would love to flog you and make you moan and do the most terrible of things to you, but I also think that I would relish just holding your hand and hugging you....letting you how much I have missed you and need you.

Misty....this website is like you...dead. It is a ghost town. No one is here. Just me visiting you. My lonely memorial to you. Giving you updates on my life...my breadcrumbs of my life dropped off here so that you might know my thoughts and what I am doing. I tried to go into a chatroom. Did it twice and it seems so pointless and hollow. Finding you was a miracle and a moment of luck for which I am thankful for. Part of me missing the erotic chat. Part of me finds it hard to do because it reminds me of you. Not all is sad and lost. I have a wonderful woman in my life who loves me completely and deeply and I love her too. Yet, there is always this space for you and I. That's okay...love it eternal and I don't forget. How can I forget you?

Misty, The Video that reminded me of you and where I posted my tribute to you is gone. The video account was taken down. One more piece of you slipping away from me and into the void of memories. My hands clutch the sands of memory, but the harder I squeeze, the faster they slip through my fingers.

Happy New Year my Sunshine. I think of you from time to time....still have fantasies about you that won't die. Smiles...hard to kill a perverted dream. Maybe, in this way, I am always remembering you fondly....missing you...lusting after you. Be well my sick little puppy. God I wish we had had a chance to meet in person....so many desires. The promise of so much....

Sunshine....it has been too long. I went to Nepal and hiked to 17k ft....getting as close as I can to you. I carried our last letters to each other and left them on the mountain pass. I said my good byes to my grief over you. The trip was a good one. I would like to think that you were with me each step of the 21 days of the trek. I imagine that you saw the world through my eyes and each of the 3000 photos that I took were going right to heaven for you see with each press of the camera button. I was not sad about you. Only grateful for the lessons that you taught me. That I am worthy of love...that I am someone who can be loved. I did daydream a little of the things that could have been. I always do. Part of me has a hard time imagining. How long can you dream of touching a ghost? Please know that I remember you and that you are worthy of being remembered and loved.

I have returned my love and I have good news. This website has been down for a while and I have not been able to visit with you. But the good news is that I am engaged! I have not known happiness like this before. It is a mix of being grateful for a 2nd chance at love and happy that I have someone in my life who cares deeply for me. In this way, she reminds me of you. Unfortunately, she is "vanilla", but what I have discovered in place of kink is an deep emotional connection...an intimacy that goes beyond just sex. I had a ring custom made for her....I let her pick the style and we were able to design it together. A platinum and gold ruby ring with accenting diamonds. 3.9 cts for the Ruby....my birth stone. She is self conscious when she wears it....but it makes her smile...happy that she is getting married. I still think of you....I hope that you don't mind. I am sure that you would chide me for fussing over the memory of you, but how can I forget you? Never. I have a woman who I love deeply and I look forward to the future that we will have together. Yet, you are forever part of my life...a kind, sexy, and fragile woman who captured my heart and my desire. You deserve to be remembered. I will love you til the end of my days....and I have enough love for the woman in my life now and for you too.