BDSM and Sexuality

I was wondering if most people living in BDSM consider themselves more sexual than vanilla's. I started this thought process thinking when Master asked me how I "learned about" Master/ slave, D/s, and this world.

I've always felt I've always known... and I go back to hitting puberty (at 9) and the sexual thoughts I had, the fantasies that made (and make) me orgasm were (and are) generally nonsexual, service-oriented, filled with being dominated, humiliated, forced, helpless and bound too sometimes.

I always had the desire to be someone's slave and loved as well. But there is so much sexuality tied to it for me- tied to everything, the pleasing, the serving, and the BDSM bedroom kink, obviously as well.

Just thoughts I had... hopefully ones that will provoke more from others...

I personally consider it to be more sexual.

For me there is general submission to my Master and sexual submission to him as well. I think sexually submitting to someone adds another level to it for me than just having normal vanilla sex.

I think there are more things you can do in a D/s relationship than you can in a vanilla relationship that can be interpreted as sexual. We all have fetishes, for example. There are those of us who get off on pain or causing pain which in a general sense isn't a component or a very big component in a vanilla relationship. Humilation isn't generally a component in a vanilla relationship either yet I know many who get off on it. This for me, makes it more sexual.

So, I think considering how many different things can be interpreted as sexual by the people who practice those things in the realm of BDSM that it is more sexual, atleast for me. see

Tough question. BDSM for me is sexual, but it does not have to be, but that does not answer your question. Am I more sexual than my vanilla friends? that depoends on the freind. A persons sexual drive is either high or low, and has nothing to do with their desire for BDSM. My guess is that people in BDSM tend to have a hhigher sex drive, on average, than a vanilla person. But that is just an empirical observation, and i would not be able to support it at all.

How about instead of more sexual, you consider more sensual ? (hope I spelled that right).


I don't think me and my wife are more or less sexual than any other married couple with kids that are still living at home.
However, I do think we, at times, are more sensual, because through D/s, or S&M, or bondage, or any of a number of 'kinky' sexual playing, I consider us more sensual than 'vanilla' couples.

If my wife passed away, I don't think I could be sexually fullfilled in a 'normal' relationship, yet, 90% of the time, my wife and I are in a 'normal' relationship (I'm telling ya.. those wacky kids but a crimp on things <G> )..

Take 'wax' play for instance. We both greatly enjoy wax play and it is usually done in a very sensual manor like a very long forplay session.

Hmm, good question, mari.

For my husband and I, BDSM without the sexual component just wouldn't be any fun. Sex is always a part of our play. The D/s component is something we've begun slowly introducing into our everyday life, but that is even sexual in that I seem to stay ready for sex most of the time, just by thinking about serving him in everyday life. For example, when I take care of a need of his without being asked or told, I get wet. Just the act of thinking of his needs above my own is a turn-on. As a result, we have lots more sex, both BDSM oriented and vanilla. Here's the contrast: before BDSM, sex once or twice a week. Now, sex 4-7 times a week. Big difference! :)

For wife and I , it is about adding to our sex. It has definitely increased our times together. and being as i am.. i need all the ideas i can get to keep her going. :hubba: