New here and need advice

Only until recently I became interested in being dominated by my wife. Actually I came across a couple femdom, strap on anal type porns on the net a few months ago and found it very exciting. How do I convince my Christian wife that
A, I want her to be a dom,
B, I want her to play with my butt, plugs or straps, beads
C, I'm not gay even though I want her to play with my ass. Sounds silly I know but the standard thought these days if you are male is, if u want it in the butt you're gay.

This is how far we have gotten. She tickles my butthole quite often, during blow jobs and sex sometimes when I ask. I always ask her to just put the tip of her finger in but she absolutely refuses. I had previously had a shower and stuck my own finger in with soap and ensured it appears clean when removed. As a result of this I convinced her to allow me to buy anal beads and she can insert them instead. They just arrived today. Depending on how she feels we may try them out tonight.

She is very old school about sex. Doesn't like to talk about it, has never told me any fantasys, I've asked several times. Never actually comes on to me. If she has a bath at night then I know I'll get some. (that is her coming on to me A BATH) I'm always the instigator. How can I convince her to just try a little something fun. Again I want her in control.

With all this said above, we actually have an awesome sex live. We do it 3 or 4 times a week with a BJ in there too sometimes. She just prefers the standard her on top me on top with a little clit lick and dick blow before and thats about it.
I just want more excitement between us and have tried a couple times to explain this but she usually gets offended and calls me a weirdo.

Am I being too selfish and demanding. Should I just enjoy the fact we do have a good sex life as is.

The best approach is honesty, but take it in baby steps. I would start by telling her or better showing her that you want to serve her and then proceed to the other fun stuff.

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Originally Posted by thebiggame

Am I being too selfish and demanding. Should I just enjoy the fact we do have a good sex life as is.

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Why do we tell ourselves that wanting what we want is selfish?? I'm asking as I do the very same thing! We shouldn't though. We just shouldn't.

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I just want more excitement between us and have tried a couple times to explain this but she usually gets offended and calls me a weirdo.

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We usually attack what we don't understand. That's human nature...sad but very true. ~sighs~ How about you show her one of those femdom videos? Make sure it's a good time to do so (no distractions, both of you feeling happy and sexy with each other) and just let her see what it is you want. You've tried explaining. Now try showing her. Tell her how sexy it would be for you if she were to do that to you. Be ready for her to express her opinion. She has that right. But try to help her understand your needs and how she fits into all that (double entendre intended ;) ).

Also, mention this to her. You didn't have to say anything to her. You could have turned elsewhere to have your needs met. But you chose her because she is what you want. Make it about her. Women can appreciate that. I'm not talking about manipulation or false praise. I'm talking about that fact that you trust her enough to seek this out with her. If she understands how important this is for you and that you want to experience this with her, maybe she won't see it as you being a "weirdo", but as you coming to her for a deeper, more satisfying relationship. Who waouldn't want that??

But baby steps, yeah. Sir Russell has it stone cold with that point.

Best of luck to you!

tessa :wave:

thebiggame,

First, I think that the first thing you need to know is that you are not alone. There are Christians out there that believe in FemDom. http://www.geocities.com/beth_zur/ is a ministry that is dedicated to the lifestyle and to Christianity.

As for your wife, you really need to talk to her. This is going to be the hard part, but take it one step at a time. Talk to her about different aspects of your life together. This will take a lot of time and patience, and may not work, but if it does it is worth the effort.

Thank you all for the response. I will continue with small steps. Well we tried the beads on me and I loved it. The second day she inserted them and them we had sex. She didn't seem all to disgusted but she is a nurse after all. The biggest problem I will have is the control issue. Maybe'll we'll start with pinching. She actually loves to pinch me and nibble/bite my ears. I think we have a start.

Ooh, it certainly does sound like you have a start! Does she know you like her pinching you? Do you ever say, Oh wow, yes that's nice, do it harder, thank you, type thing? As long as she knows you are enjoying it, she will be more at ease with allowing her own nature out, I think.

And what about you - do you as a sub desire to please/serve her in different ways - massaging her, licking her feet, getting her to lie back and just enjoy the pleasure of letting you please her? So that the pleasure/activity gain is not just obviously yours, with butt play etc?

Chances are, she might have the view that men are supposed to be Dominant in the bedroom and life and all of that silly jazz. I've always had trouble initiating things in the bedroom because of my "Men are Dominant" views. (I'm a subbie, can't you tell?) I agree with what everyone has said.

If you show her the femdom video, maybe get something a little bit lighter than full on FemDom. Just keep conversing and conversing and taking those baby steps.

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C, I'm not gay even though I want her to play with my ass. Sounds silly I know but the standard thought these days if you are male is, if u want it in the butt you're gay.

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Fairly simply really. Tell her why you want it (psychological aspects as well as what it does to you physically), and that you are not aroused by the male body so thus not gay.

Perhaps treat her too a romantic night by cooking for her. Have the house clean, draw her a bath maybe and just pamper her. Retire to the bed room, give her a back rub, and go down on her. Make sure she enjoys herself. Make it about her. Open up a bit and let her know you want to serve her like this.

If you go with watching a porn with a girl using a strapon, probably going with one that is more romantic and less hard core domme will go over better initially.

Good for you, keep taking those baby steps and be honest with her about your needs and remember to search out her needs too

Hey thanks for the ideas. I think the video is out of the question right now. She hates porno as is. Refuses to watch even the soft stuff on late at night. I'm a porn freak and have tried from every angle to get her to watch but it's a no go.

Usually when we have time, about once a week, she gets a full body massage, back, butt, legs and feet and I suck on her toes. She does enjoy that. Then I go down on her and amazingly she often lets me lick her asshole. I basically told her and continue to tell her I have a fetish for her bumm and she now just lets me have my fun.

I like the idea of the bites and nibbles. I will gently encourage her when she gets playful with it from time to time.

Thanks again all