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Hello all, My name is Rhiannon, Im 18, and fairly new in the BDSM world. My ex fiance had introduced me to it, though he was rather wishy-washy on it. My current *blinks* dignificant others are on different sides on the fence. My girlfriend is new to the world, and i dont really know about my boyfriend. I dont really know how to broach the subject to either of them. I have alwyas had a problem talking to people. Any advise?
Hi, Rihannonmackey and welcome to the forums. You will get lots of good advise from all the regulars. For my part I will tell you that from your post you sound like you have not had the opportunity to learn a lot about bdsm. (A wishy-washy dom is not much help either).
I suggest you hang around here for a little while, read the forums and enjoy the library, discover what turns you on and what excites your mind (even in non-sexual ways) before you talk to your partners. Knowing what to say can be as important as how to say it. And do not be afraid to ask questions. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years and everytime I read the forums I learn more and more about communicating what I want and what I feel.
I must say, I am a little jealous of you, Rhiannon. BDSM, a boyfriend and a girlfriend all at the age of 18. I wish I had been that lucky when I was that age.
Seriously, though, when you want to know something from someone, the best thing to do is ask. The best questions are open-ended ones and not ones that can be answered yes or no.
For instance, ask them "What do you know about BDSM?" or "How would you feel about tying me up or letting me tie you up?"
However, if you're going to ask the questions, then you should have some good answers when they ask questions back. If one of your partners asks you what BDSM is, you need to know what to tell them.
Start here for some general knowledge.
If you need any advice or have any questions, many people here will be willing to assist you. You will get a lot of different answers and a lot of different opinions. You might not agree with all of them, but at least read them and decide for yourself what's the best thing for you and your relationship.
Also, at anytime, you may contact me personally, if you ever wish to discuss anyting not in public. You can private message me or email me by clicking the "Profile" button at the bottom of this message.
Good luck and have fun. :[
My suggestion is that if your friends don't know about bdsm, they might not be the right people to explore it with. Although some of it is quite easy and harmless, your friends would probably not know what is, and what is not, or how to handle the urge you might feel to jump right in with both feet.
I agree with BDSM_Tourguide that it is a good idea to learn more, in here and elsewhere, before you start experimenting on your own or with other inexperienced people.
If this is really for you, at some point you might need to find some new friends who already know all about it. If people don't have that kind of inclination, it is really difficult to make it work.
thank you all for your help. I talked with my boyfirend earlier, and it turns out he knows alot more about this then i thought he might... :) good news for me i suppose. Thank you again. I have been reading alot of posts on here also.
Indeed, that is good news. :D