Long Term Separation

Hi All

I'm new to these forums, but am going to prevail upon your collective goodwill and ask for some advice. I've been with my dom for 5 years and we're separated at the moment. He's been away 6 months and it's still a while before he's back. I'm really struggling to cope, I know this is tough whether you're vanilla, d/s whatever, but the added difficulty is that its not just his company I'm craving, it's the domination, I need to be submissive and I'm having to be in total control all the time.

Sorry I'm really struggling to explain this, but I'm hoping someone will get what I mean. Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Pinki xx

Oh Pinki, not sure what to say to help you, expect that I really feel for what you are going through. You don't say if you are normally with him in person or if it is an online relationship. Not that it makes a big difference at the moment!

I assume he is still in contact with you while he is away, though understand it could be a lot different to what you have been used to. If he is in email or phone contact, is it possible for him to give you some tasks for you to do? Are there some things you can do each day/week that can help you to feel his control?

The best advice I can give you is to feel his love and know that I am sure he would love to be back with you too. I had a situation a few weeks ago where it seems like my online Master would be taking a job that would have meant he no longer would have been able to continue as my Master. What pulled me through was the strength of his love, and even though the job did not happen, I still felt I would be okay.

Hope this has helped in some way.

Know you are in my thoughts.

(( hugs ))

AG

Do you and your Dom talk in any way, shape or form. Because right now me and my pet is seperated. I have come up with a few ways too keep her grounded. My pet is very submissive and more on the slave side. So I have come up with things for too do. Also things for her too where.
If you like too know what they are can ask here or PM me

MrDom

i truly understand what you mean hun.. In r/l i have to be the one that looks after the kids take care of the probs of the day and make sure things are just right.. So much responsiblity you feel you are not a sub anymore.. and crave for someone to take control of you... Well without your Dom there it can be very hard, nothing will take the place of him not being there but here are some tips for you on how he might make some of the cravings disappear..

Although my favorite is always hearing a Dom say "on your knees bitch" which can be done as you are talking or writing or caming to that person..

I found the rest of these off i site i truly enjoy...I hope this will help you find some ways to make things work...


Long-Distance Relationships

Distance need not be a barrier to sexuality. There are a number of things you can do to keep the sex life interesting even when you're separated. Some of the ideas already mentioned here, such as sealed lists of instructions, work quite well over long distances; others are made easier by Webcams, phones, and other modern conveniences.

Some of the ideas discussed under "public play" work well over long distances, too. For instance, the dominant partner can send the submissive partner into a restaurant for dinner, then call the submissive on a cell phone during the meal and instruct him or her to go into the bathroom and masturbate. If the submissive partner has a cell phone with a built-in camera, a very nice variant on this idea is to instruct the submissive partner to take a picture of himself or herself right at the moment of orgasm, with the camera, and then send it to the dominant partner before going back out to finish the meal.

to Conventional Webcams make very good tools when you want to "reach out and touch someone." Some of the things you can do are obvious, such as having your partner strip and touch himself or herself in front of the camera. Others are more fiendish, like:

Orgasm denial: It's great fun to tell your partner to masturbate, over and over, then tell him or her to stop right on the edge of orgasm. Keep doing this for an extended period of time, then send your partner to bed horny and frustrated.
Choose a part of the body at random--breasts, cock, pussy, whatever. Focus on that part of the body; watch as you instruct your partner to fondle, tease, torture (with clothespins or rope or whatever you like), and otherwise stimulate that part of his or her body, only without touching anything else and without orgasm.


Messy fun: set up the Webcam near the shower and watch as your partner makes a mess on his or her body with finger paints, whipped cream, French silk pie, or whatever else strikes your fancy, then gets clean.



Pocket pager: The submissive partner wears a pager. A few times throughout the day, the dominant partner sends the submissive partner a page; the submissive partner must then stop what he or she is doing and masturbate to orgasm within 20 minutes of receiving the page.


Online instructions: if the dominant partner has access to a Web server, he or she can leave written instructions for the submissive, much like the instructions you might put into a sealed envelope. The submissive partner logs on with the Webcam, reads the instructions, and does whatever the Web page describes while the dominant partner watches. These instructions can be emialed or mailed by regular mail, or priority post.

Write out sexual fantasies. The dominant partner creates some kind of scenario or setting, which the submissive fantasises about while masturbating, and then writes a story about. The scenario can be as simple ("Fantasize about having sex in the shower") or as complex ("Imagine that you wake up one morning after being out partying late the night before. You're naked, lying in your bed surrounded by sex toys, with an empty bottle of lube and a videotape lying next to you. You have no memory of the night before and no idea how you got home. What do you do?") as you want.

Send your partner to work wearing a piece of very sexy lingerie under her clothing (or, if the submissive is male, wearing a pair of women's underwear); this makes a constant, discreet reminder of his or her position. Or, if you're feeling a bit more risqué:


A rope harness: can be made with thin twine or cord. Tie the harness around your partner's torso, and then have your partner wear the harness to work or while running errands, beneath his or her clothing. As the person moves, the harness shifts and moves against his or her body, constantly reminding the submissive that it is there.


Extended Penetration

With practice, it is possible to train a person's body to accept vaginal and/or anal penetration for extended periods of time. You can, for example, have a submissive wear a dildo vaginally throughout the day, or make a submissive wear an anal plug as he or she does errands or housework. The key is to start small--a dildo or anal plug that seems quite small at first can become too big after a period of time--and not push the submissive if it becomes painful. Patience is essential.

What this does is makes it impossible for the submissive to ignore the penetration, whatever else he or she may be doing. This in turn can keep the submissive constantly thinking about and constantly craving sexual stimulation.

I have even made my lovers keep a dildo inserted as they sleep--which tends to make the night filled with nonstop erotic dreams...

Dice or other randomizing elements can be integrated into ritual, as well, One possibility, for example, is to require the submissive to roll a die each morning; the submissive's responsibility then becomes to have exactly that many orgasms that day, by whatever means necessary.

hugs
snow

Thank you all so much for your replies, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I'm just back from a conference, and am going to bed, but will read them properly tomorrow.

To answer the question about how much contact we have. I'm afraid the answer is very little as he's on a submarine, but you have given me food for thought and I will try and think through things a bit.

Thank you again

Pinki xx

ohhh God i know this one *deep sigh*. thankfully i get to talk to Owner every day which help so very much but ive been stuck away from Him for longer than i care to even think about.

all i can say is patience. what else is there? ive been waiting for so long but... there is no other option for me. He is my Owner, for life. i belong to Him and that's that. surviving this MUST be done and it WILL be done.

i guess i think of my time here away from Him as a kind of (terrible) service i am performing for Him. this is an obediance, simply of another sort. its not pleasant, it does not give me all the feelings i wish i was feeling, but it is still an act of devotion. it is in itself an act of selfless slavery, because i certainly get no enjoyment from it. but He needs me to wait and to keep myself ok for Him while He does what must be done to get Us in the same location again... and so i wait. i am His slave and i am here to do as He wishes and do what He needs me to do... before all other considerations. so i take care of myself and make alot of my own descisions though i would much rather not, and i keep myself as well and happy for Him as i can.. to relieve Him of worrying for me, to let Him concentrate, to be as little of a drain as i can. that is what i can do for Him from here, so i do it with all my heart, to the best of my ability.

and i have patience, though ive wanted to pull my hair out with yearning for Him quite often. ive sometimes found myself pacing around clenching my fists saying to myself over and over "patience, patience, patience.." waiting to wear myself out and let the hurting for missing Him slip back under the surface.. but to my experience, thats all there is. serving by keeping myself taken care of in His stead and being patient.

boy it sucks *sigh*

i hope He's home with you again soon, pinki. it looks like this post is old and forgotten and who knows if anyone will see it but.. i just wanted to say that i understand. *gentle hug*.. and i hope it's better soon. time will pass and the waiting will come to an end .. as long as you dont give up.